The Loon 🍁

BREAKING: Pregnant Trans Man Certain His Fetus Is Also Trans TORONTO — A pregnant 37-year-old trans man raised eyebrows on his podcast when he claimed that he’s 100% certain that his fetus is transgender. “When I first got the news it was a boy, I immediately felt something was off” Chris Marchand told listeners, adding “My baby doesn’t feel like a boy.’” Wanting to let the fetus decide for itself, Chris told listeners he walked back and forth between rooms in his house, one that’s painted pink, the other blue. When Chris walked into the pink room, he felt relaxed and balanced. But when he walked into the blue room, his vagina would swell. “That’s when I can say I knew that my baby is a fully blown trans baby,” Marchand told listeners. Since going public with his discovery, Marchand said he’s faced a swath of hateful comments from the far-right. Last week, one person on social media posted “Am I dreaming or is this person retarded?” The hate isn’t stopping Marchand from seeking gender affirming care for his fetus, he told his audience, pointing to studies that show growing up in the wrong body is a matter of life and death. But sadly, with society still in its infancy when it comes to understanding 2SLGBTQII+ALF issues, the trans fetus community lacks access to having their genitalia surgically removed while in utero. “I’ll just have to wait until she’s born, as long as she doesn’t try to strangle herself with her umbilical cord,” Marchand said.

Carney’s Late Arrival At Rally Prompts Staffers To Pass Out Adult Diapers PETERBOROUGH — Liberal staffers were forced to hand out adult diapers to keep a restless crowd calm as Mark Carney’s Peterborough rally started an hour late. The Prime Minister’s motorcade was halted when hundreds of Muslim immigrants blocked traffic with prayer rugs and recitations. “It was chaos,” one staffer said. “A number of attendees started shitting their pants, one literally died of old age on the spot. We needed to improvise.” As staffers distributed Depends to address the crowd’s growing discomfort, restless supporters were seen using their canes and walkers to hold their “Elbows up”. Sources say some attendees were only able to hold one elbow up, unable to lift one arm due to having recently received their 14th COVID booster.

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