The Man, The Mole and The Fox & Hound

“You are more than you can possibly know,” said the fox. “You are loving, brave and significant.” “I don’t care,” said the man. “Get the hell out of my bins!”

“The most important thing is knowing you are loved,” said the mole. “Thank you,” said the man. “Shall we sit on this bench and watch the sun go down together?” “Sod that,” said the mole. “We just won an Oscar. I’m off to Vegas to drink champagne and snort cocaine off hookers…”

“How can we resolve this Russian/Ukraine crisis?” asked the man. “With kindness,” said the mole. “And love,” said the horse. “And a f**k load of tanks,” said the fox.

Mole hugged his new friend. “Try to be positive,” he said. “We’re all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.” “It’s daytime,” sighed the man. “OK bad example,” said the mole.

Before you can love someone else, first you must love yourself. Then wash your hands.

“What do you think is the biggest waste of time?" asked the man. "Comparing yourself to others", said the mole. “That’s true,” said the man. “My taller, better looking, more successful brother would never do that.”

@gingertotty Feel free!

I should maybe illustrate this one :)

“I feel like such a failure,” said the man, disconsolately. “I don’t think I can carry on.” “Never be afraid to fail,” said the mole. “The more often you fail, the greater your chance of success. You’ve failed so often, you’re bound to be a huge success!” “Thanks,” said the man.

The friends walked and walked for hours. The mole gazed around. “What is this place?” he asked. “IKEA,” said the man. “I need to get a new toilet brush.”

“Why does my heart hurt so much?” said the man. “Is it loneliness? Disappointment? Unfulfilled ambition?” The mole laid a comforting paw on his shoulder. “No,” he said, “It’s probably just all those XL bacon cheeseburgers with double fries.”

“When your problems feel too much to handle, be like a swan,” said the mole. “You mean glide serenely over the surface while paddling furiously beneath?” “No, break a man’s arm with your wing.”

“When you’re feeling really low, there’s just one thing that can help,” said the mole. “Kindness?” asked the man. “No” “Love?” “No” “Then what?” “A trite, meaningless, motivational quote.”

“What’s your best discovery?” asked the man. “That I’m enough as I am,” smiled the mole, proudly. “What’s yours?” “Cheeseburger pizzas.”

Start the year the way you mean to go on - face down in a cold pizza with a handful of paracetamols.

“What’s your New Year resolution?” asked the man. “Be kinder to strangers, more thoughtful about my family and more generous to my friends,” said the mole. “What’s yours?” “Stop talking to moles,” said the man.

“New Year’s Eve is a time for quiet reflection on the events of the last year and to plan a clear pathway to your happier future,” said the mole. “Sod that,” said the man. “Karaoke and a kebab for me.” #goodbye2022 #HappyNewYear

“Isn’t it odd: we can only see our outsides, but
nearly everything happens on the inside.” “I think you’ve had enough,” said the man, taking the mole’s glass.

I’ve learned how to be in the present.”
“How?” asked the man.
”I find a quiet spot and shut my eyes and breathe.”
“And then?”
“Then I focus.”
“What do you focus on?”
“Beer,” said the mole. “It’s your round by the way…”

“I need to find where my home is,” said the man. “Home isn’t a place, it’s where your friends are,” said the mole. “Try telling my wife that,” said the man.

“Everyone has good in them,” said the mole, “You just have to look hard enough.” “Even Elon Musk?” asked the man. “I’ll get back to you on that one,” said the mole.

“You won’t find the answers you seek at the bottom of a beer glass,” said the mole. “No?” said the man, solemnly. “No,” said the mole. “You need something far stronger. Try a glass of whisky…”