Silly

Call me the palisades fire cause I’m fucking burning

I hate the snow so much that I’m going to piss on it

The plans I have for 2026 are inconceivable to those of feeble mind and body

The thing about zombies is that they do bite

Who has a bigger list: Santa Claus or Jeffrey Epstein?

I’ve started honking at semis on the interstate. If the interstate is a jungle then I am the lion

Maintaining eye contact with the woman breastfeeding in public

Can’t focus at work, I’ve got the six flags theme song stuck in my head

Max from Max and Ruby was my generations Rizzler

I find it odd that some people care more about saying the right thing instead of doing the right thing

For 2026 my New Year’s resolution is to talk to people in every elevator ride I take

The Cat in the Hat is a tuxedo cat with the personality of an orange cat, yet Garfield is an orange cat with the personality of a tuxedo cat

Someone just made out with my voodoo doll

Watching a grocery bag drift across the road is the modern day equivalent of a cowboy seeing a tumbleweed

This country needs to show more respect to Calvin Coolidge than it does. Saved money, paid down our debts, and the only person to leave the presidency less powerful than he found it. GOAT. It’s the work of the devil we don’t view him as the standard for presidential leadership

I thought Sinners sucked and was overhyped for what it ended up being

I generally have a problem with authority, but I will snap my fingers if Lil Jon tells me to

I have to kill two birds, and brother, I’ve only got one stone

Taylor Swift just told everyone that I’m gay?