Timmy Weldon (Parody)

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you're celebrating your political enemies getting shot, you're not anti fascist, you now ARE a fascist. If this applies to you, take stock of your life - your parents did a terrible job raising you, and you're a dogshit human being.

He’s so dumb!!!!

@The_SaltySeaDog Mayor Vaughn told my dad it was just a boating accident, or possibly seaweed.

The shark went crazy down at the docks this morning. It's a good job the Orca was on the other side of the Island.

@The_SaltySeaDog Freshman year, she let me carry her books to all her classes. 🥰

Tina Wilcox. Miss Amity 1978. 🦈

@SweetHitcher69 My dad says guys like that sell doobies down by Old Ladies Pond.

I think Charlie would really dig this guy.

@JasonVoorheesIM Hypothetically speaking, would a character who survived the events of Jaws 2 be considered a "Final Girl" even though he's technically not a girl? Asking for a friend.

Choose your final girl Elm Street Nancy Hellraiser Kirsty TCM Stretch Halloween Laurie Or TCM Sally #Horror

@MayorLVaughn @RNC @DNC I went to the Amity Comic Convention at the Shores Holiday Inn a few years ago, and it was great. I got polaroids with Gabe Kaplan and Randolph Mantooth.

Amity Island is fully capable of holding a convention. @RNC @DNC, DM me to Iron out the details for 2028. You have my word, the beaches will be open!

@thedailyjaws The second one was better.

Happy 49th birthday #JAWS! #Onthisday in 1975, Steven Spielberg's shark classic JAWS was released becoming the first movie to make $100million.... in just 38 days.... creating the summer blockbuster, changing cinema (and sharks) forever.

Baseball fans when the news of #AngelHernandez retirement came out 🤣🤣🤣 #MLB

@MayorLVaughn For guys like me who live here year-round, #SummerDollars means making $8.25 an hour to paint the restrooms on the beach. 😔

The unofficial start of #summerdollars has arrived! The summer people have the ferries at maximum capacity! 🤑 #BeachesOpen #SummerDollars

Uh-oh, I hope this doesn't mean a new OS update is coming up. It took me 29 hours to download Basic 1.6 onto this thing!

All of my AOL bulletin boards seem to be down - I'll try dialing in from a different number.

@SweetHitcher69 I'm only blind if I take off my glasses.

George isn’t blind. You’re the blind one!

My family is finally taking us on a vacation. We're staying at a small town in New Jersey - it'll be nice to get away from all of the (supposed) bather injuries in Amity, and relax in a nice, safe, quiet town tonight.

@Deckard_Myles 😳 Wow, all of the teachers here in Amity look like Polly.

I wish Haddonfield High would hire her as a teacher.

@PyschoBrandon24 @BrackAttack78 Never heard of him - the only guy I know who goes by the Rock is Ole Anderson. He once wrestled at the Amity Shores Convention Center, and I asked him for an autograph after the show - he called me a "f'n pencil necked geek" and chased me off. 😠

I’ve heard of the Tooth Fairy, but what in the blazes is this? #NationalToothFairyDay

@Deckard_Myles I prefer to do my flirting on the Commodore 64 bulletin boards. I'm quite the smooth talker on there.

Regardless of what my friend Scott says, Yahoo chat rooms DO count. So, in that regard, I’m a pretty big-time ladies man.

Throwback Thursday With Pamela Anderson On The Set Of Baywatch! WOOOOO!