Michael Gary Scott

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My favorite thing about our office is it feels like an office.

I like Toby 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Michael: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up. Jim: She's engaged. Michael: BFD. Engaged ain't married. Never, ever, ever give up.

Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. We'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you." His words.

I'm gonna steal all your clients. And I'm gonna kill them in front of you.

Stanley, that's brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that in the streets?

Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong. Everyone knows they're funny. But imagine how funny they'd be if they didn't smoke pot.

Tell me if this is creative... When I was five, I imagined there was such a thing as a unicorn. This is before I’d even heard of or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. I was five. Five! Couldn't even talk yet.

Why are you the way that you are?

Where's Angela? There you are. I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom roasted.

After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.

What's wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for 7.

Ryan: Did it happen on company property? Michael: Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy. We’re fine.

I gotta make sure YouTube comes down to tape this.

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

I thought about playing in the NHL. But then I'd have no time to spend with my wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.

Pam: We don't recycle. Michael: We don’t? Then why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Death to Toby.

My mom once told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said the third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.