Carl Ericson

Jersey Shore has changed - It used to be all about fights and fucking. Now, its all in depth conversations and romance. #youvechanged

Big girl at the gym with a golden arches shirt on - probably not the best choice in attire. #BigMacBetty

My body is full of sugar, my stomach has butterflies in it and my eyes have dough in it. Its a serious medical illness. I only have 5 months

"You have chromes disease, we need to remove whatever vocal cords you have left" a doctor to lil jon OKAAY

Being at work with no computer is a lot like 3rd grade; there is art'n'crafts, note passing, recess, and nap time.

I believe Sherlock Holmes was undiagnosised with autism..

So excited Fear Factor is back; I've been eating 4 spiders a year to get ready! (Statistically) #fearfactor

Did you know a koala bear isn't a bear?! Its a marsupial. AND santa doesn't have claws.

DARE! take a picture of your (sexy body part) and send it to a random number..

I would like to thank the meth head with mouth full of cold sores at Subway today.. I didn't want to eat for the next week anyways..

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" time to hug a furry grizzly bear!

A Subway employee was making my sandwich with "MURDA" tattooed on his forearm. I waited for him to put the knife down before blurting..

.."Thanks for the extra meat, you murdered my sandwich!"

Going to a cabin 3.5 hours away.. Is holding true to your stance on 'I go where the party is'.

A couple of bro-downs at Slims last night.. Bros need to stop disrespecting bros.

Can't wait to break bones, wish bones... Not the dog that can do backflips but the chest bone where the turkey keeps all their magic in.

Seriously contemplated seeing a movie by myself.. So, if anyone is looking for a life coach I'm available.

Getting a call from your ex-landlord 6 months later usually isn't good. Its more like "hey, you know that thing you did, yeah, I want money"

I'm like a really good nicknamer... Ask me if you need one, Buttcup.

I was a total animal last night, but roadkill today..