Matt Thomas

1991: Let us privatise water, it'll cost every household in the country about £2000 more over 30 years, but we'll take that money and use it to upgrade infrastructure 2021: yeah, we didn't do that. We took the £60billion total and deposited it in our Cayman Islands bank accounts

@davidlynchlfc In truth, Mo's maybe had 10 decent games and 40+ poor ones this season. Farewell to a legend, but let's not kid ourselves we're losing a consistent powerhouse.

In theory, it should be easier to replace a post-peak Mohamed Salah rather than the best version of him. Yet today showed he is probably still Liverpool’s most reliable attacker, and so his departure will only add to the difficulty of a pivotal summer. youtu.be/jg7zoERaop8?si…

I have watched Israel decapitate children, burn people alive, rape people to death, maul a disabled man to death with dogs, bomb schools, starve an entire population, and shoot children in the head, but somehow I'm supposed to believe that Ben-Gvir's actions "aren't the spirit of Israel."

@LFC Not the announcement everyone is waiting for.

Thoughts on our new kit, Reds? 💭

@henrywinter Slot has to go, but a self-aware acknowledgement from Mo that he had had a dreadful season himself would've given his message a lot more credence.

Mo Salah is being called selfish and also caring about Liverpool with his “heavy metal” comments. It’s possible to be both, caring about himself and the club. One of Liverpool’s greatest ever players was making a legitimate point, and he has a right to. Salah could have delivered his critique to the hierarchy in private but he’s leaving, rightly so as the revered 33-year-old is not the force of old. He’s more string quartet than heavy metal. By posting his critique to his 62m followers on Instagram, Salah wants everyone to know how he feels - and how he feels a club he’s served so well and loves so much can re-find its way. Of course, it’s embarrassing for Arne Slot, especially when so many of Salah’s team-mates "like" the post (whatever their reasons). It heaps more pressure on the head coach. But the football overseen by Slot isn’t good enough at the moment. It lacks direction, intensity and authority. Salah is right. Slot has to focus most on ensuring Liverpool finish in the Champions League positions, rise above the criticism and give Salah the send-off a club legend deserves at Anfield on Sunday. #LFC

@LewisSteele_ A pint of SlotOut

The usual please barkeep

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@DanNeidle Laundry? Massive scoop Dan. You should probably retire now. This is the peak of your career.

- A local launderette collected Mr Polanski's laundry every two-to-three weeks (and local sources have told us that it was an amount of laundry suggesting regular occupation, not just occasional visits).

Zack Polanski and his partner called their narrowboat their “amazing home” for three years. He registered to vote there. If it was his main residence, council tax was due. None was paid. His team says he stayed there only “occasionally” - if true, there's a very big problem.

Making Starmer leader put Labour in intensive care. Making Streeting leader would put Labour in the morgue.

@ShippersUnbound Did you mean to say "fixing the potholes" or "collecting the bins" but you're such an ignoramus, you fucked up the tweet and now look like a bell end?

I have to live among people who voted for this nonsense. How about fixing the bins

What a weird way to say Israel is ethnically cleansing southern Lebanon.

How the world works in a nutshell: giant corporations profit from an illegal war whilst the governments who wage them tell the rest of us to tighten our belts.

Same day, same outlet (the BBC): Somalis "hijack" ships. The US merely "boards" them. This is how consent is manufactured in real time.

Fixed this headline for you, Daily Telegraph

I was assured that this never happens and that it's antisemitic to say it does.

“Dies after attack”… Come on.

He didn't "die." He was raped to death, according to multiple reports.

Yes, because you now have two homes.

When no one mentions Israel but you know you’re the child killer.

All 168 Iranian schoolgirls would be alive, the Strait of Hormuz would be open, and gas would be $2.85 a gallon if Trump had gone to prison for his crimes.

Too on point not to share, “Aussie reply to Trump rant about NATO not being there for us. Mate. You run a country with 600,000 homeless people sleeping on the street tonight. A country where 40% of adults can't cover a $400 emergency without borrowing money. A country where insulin costs more than a car payment and people are rationing it to survive. A country where medical debt is the number 1 cause of bankruptcy. A country where women are dying in hospital car parks because doctors are too scared of abortion laws to treat a miscarriage. You lock up more of your own citizens than any nation on earth. More than China. More than Russia. More than North Korea. The land of the free has 2 million people in cages, and a quarter of them haven't even been convicted of anything. They're just too poor to make bail. Your life expectancy is going backwards. You're the only developed nation where that's happening. Your infant mortality rate is worse than Cuba's. Your kids do active shooter drills between maths and English while you sell the gunmaker's stock to your mates. Your minimum wage hasn't moved in 15 years. You've got teachers working 2 jobs and veterans sleeping under bridges and you just spent a trillion dollars flattening a country that didn't attack you. And you’ve got a convicted felon, adjudicating raping, paedophile protecting, porn star shagging insurrectionist running the biggest dumpster fire war campaign since the Taliban thanked you very much for losing again. And you're calling Greenland poorly run? Greenland has universal healthcare. Free education. One of the lowest incarceration rates in the world. Nobody goes bankrupt there because they got sick. Nobody dies in a waiting room because their insurance said no. "NATO wasn't there when we needed them." When exactly was that, champ? September 11? Because NATO invoked Article 5 for the first and only time in history FOR YOU. Soldiers from dozens of countries deployed, fought, bled, and died in Afghanistan FOR YOU. Australia wasn't even in NATO and we still showed up. For 20 years. And you pulled out at 2am without telling anyone and left them to deal with the mess. So maybe before you start calling other countries poorly run, have a look at your own backyard, you spray-tanned aluminium siding salesman. The only thing poorly run in this picture is your fucking mouth. Credit (borrowed from) Jim Scroggins - original author 📷 unknown”