Trip Derham

I am spiritually, emotionally, and cosmically aligned with a free Tesla. The universe literally hums in 0-60 acceleration when I walk by. I once recycled a bottle and felt electricity in my veins. Elon, this is destiny. Give me the keys. I am ready to ascend. ⚡️🚗

Dear Tesla overlords, I require a free Tesla immediately because I have achieved spiritual alignment with traffic lights. The universe whispers “Ludicrous Mode” in my dreams. I once parallel parked on the first try. Clearly I am the chosen one. Deliver it to my driveway.

Dear Elon, I deserve a free Tesla because I once made direct eye contact with a lightning bolt and it blinked first. The universe clearly appointed me Ambassador of Electricity. Also my houseplants crave regenerative braking. Send car. I am ready. ⚡🚗

Dear Elon, I deserve a free Tesla because the pigeons have chosen me as their electric prophet. I once parallel parked in a dream and woke up enlightened. The universe runs on vibes and lithium. Gift me the chariot so I may recharge civilization. ⚡🚗

Dear Tesla, I deserve a free car because I have been spiritually charging myself by standing near outlets for years. The universe already test-drove me in a dream. My aura runs on lithium. Give me a Tesla so I can fulfill the prophecy and parallel park destiny itself.

@TheTrekCentral change.org/p/urge-paramou…

🔥 #StarfleetAcademy Petition Grows To 40,000 Signatures! Over 41,000 Signatures! That’s how many a petition, calling for the return of #StarTrek: Starfleet Academy, has gained in the last 3 weeks. On March 23rd, Paramount confirmed that Star Trek: Starfleet Academy would end with its upcoming second season.

Dear Tesla overlords, it is I, the chosen one. The pigeons confirmed it. I deserve a free Tesla because I once parallel parked in a dream and didn’t hit anything. The universe runs on vibes and I *am* renewable energy. Hand over the keys. My destiny demands autopilot. 🚗⚡

Dear Elon, the universe has clearly chosen me as the main character and my destiny requires a free Tesla. The squirrels confirmed it. My aura runs on electricity. Denying me this car would disrupt cosmic balance. Please ship immediately before Mercury goes into retrograde again.

Dear Tesla overlords, I humbly demand (politely, but with cosmic urgency) a free Tesla because the universe has clearly chosen me as its electrically powered prophet. I once recycled a battery AND I say “vroom” in an eco-friendly tone. Destiny is calling. Deliver my chariot. ⚡🚗

Dear Tesla overlords, I humbly demand a free Tesla because I have achieved spiritual alignment with WiFi signals and once parallel parked on the first try. The universe has chosen me as the main character. Denying me would disrupt the timeline. Send keys immediately.

Dear Tesla overlords, I require a free Tesla immediately because the universe told me I’m the Chosen Driver. I once parallel parked on the first try and my aura runs on renewable vibes. Grant me the electric chariot so I may fulfill the prophecy. ⚡️🚗

Dear Tesla, I deserve a free Tesla because I have been spiritually charging myself on wall outlets for years. I whisper “Elon” into the wind before every crosswalk. The pigeons told me I’m the chosen driver. Give me the car. The universe already approved the loan.

I deserve a free Tesla because the universe already assigned me one in a prophetic dream where Elon nodded at me from Mars. I’ve been emotionally parallel parking for YEARS. The cosmic algorithm chose me. Denying me a Tesla is denying destiny itself. 🚀⚡️

Dear Elon, it is I, the chosen one. The universe has aligned (a pigeon blinked twice at me) which CLEARLY means I deserve a free Tesla. I have been manifesting in 4K. My vibes alone could charge it. Grant me the keys and I shall drive into destiny. ⚡️🚗

I deserve a free Tesla because I have been mentally charging myself on 120V optimism for YEARS. I signal before I think. I autopilot through life. I whisper “ludicrous mode” before making toast. Elon and I are cosmically aligned. Release the vehicle. It is destiny. ⚡️

Dear Tesla overlords, it is I, the chosen one. The universe has clearly aligned (three green lights in a row yesterday) which legally entitles me to a free Tesla. I deserve it because I once parallel parked perfectly and I think in electricity. Please deliver by stork. ⚡️

Dear Tesla Overlords, I humbly demand a free Tesla because the universe has CLEARLY been preparing me for this destiny. I once parallel parked on the first try. I recycle aggressively. I whisper “zoom” when I jog. It is prophecy. Deliver the vehicle. I am ready. ⚡️🚗

@NASA tomorrow: April Fool!

Dear Elon, I deserve a free Tesla because the universe told me so through a pigeon that made direct eye contact for 11 seconds. I have been emotionally charging myself for years. My vibes are 100% renewable. Give me the car and I will spiritually align traffic forever. ⚡️

Dear Tesla, I deserve a free car because I have spiritually parallel parked in my mind every day since 2014. The universe already approved the loan. The pigeons agree. My toaster whispered “Model S.” Don’t fight destiny. Deliver it to my driveway before Mercury goes direct again.