Turtle Bay Tech Bro

living in nyc: year 0-1: i like it here year 1-5: i love it here year 5-7: i like it here year 8+: i need to split time or get me out of here

The most attractive quality in a man is his ability to help you problem solve. Men are psychologically wired to bond through usefulness and competence. Solve her problem, you’ll be indispensable

“Situationship” Bruh you’re 32

Gay people have a gaydar when they sense a person is gay. But what do neurodivergent people have when they sense a person is neurodivergent?

The “watching porn is cheating because when you have a partner you should be fucking them instead” argument kind of has horrifying implications when you think about it.

“The worst she can say is no” “Girls are nice” - Billie Eilish

do not post your mom on twitter today some scary man is going to jerk off to her

Jessica Holloway, 34, from Tampa, Florida showed up to her daughter’s U-8 girls soccer game yesterday morning at Carrollwood Recreation Park. She was wearing a “WINE MOM ERA” tank top… and decided it was the perfect time to set up a folding table and an Igloo cooler on the sidelines. Then she started selling homemade wine in mason jars to the other parents. Her menu? “Carrollwood Red” — $8 a jar “Soccer Mom Sangria” — $10 a jar “Divorce Rosé” — $12 a jar (yes, really) She got detained on the spot. Now she’s facing charges for unlicensed alcohol sales and operating an illegal vendor stand on public youth athletic property. At a children’s soccer game. Let that sink in. So are you? Team “It’s just harmless side-hustle mom energy” or Team “This is completely unhinged and inexcusable at a kids event”?

help 😭

can’t drunk text an unsaved number

Seven things wrong with this image: 1. A girl’s first kiss should be on her wedding day. 2. The girl is embarrassing the boy by kissing him in public. 3. The boy is playing football. Ball games are for little children. 4. The boy and girl go to the same school. Coeducation is asinine. 5. The boy’s hair is short. Boys should grow their hair long, then cut it at age eighteen to sacrifice to Apollo. 6. They are wearing purple. Purple is a color reserved for royalty. 7. The boy’s number is 81. 81 is a historically gay number. “American gothic” is a euphemism for “American decadent.”

My little brother got laid so much in college that guys in his frat house HATED him. I asked him how & he shrugged & said, "I treat girls like they're dudes." 😂 A girlfriend of his admitted to me that he drove her insane in the beginning because she had *no idea* if he liked her like that. He was super friendly, but never made it clear if this was more than friendly interest. I'm not recommending this as a strategy per se, but I do know a guy who is chill AF around women is powerful. Treat women like we're NBD, like people not unknowable beings, & we tend to respond. Cuz I've noticed this with a lot of players: they can talk to anyone. They don't panic just because it's a girl. Taking women off of a pedestal yields better results.

I jerked off but regret it later–does that mean i raped myself?