University of JM

NEWS: Campus officials scramble to locate an unknown piece of UJM property after Mayer himself ambiguously claimed "something's missing!"

Students protesting since 4/20 in the UJM quad loudly proclaim "who says you can't get stoned?" while slow dancing with a burning joint.

Two students were rescued by a search team after getting lost in Paradise Valley, which turned out to be kind of a disappointment. #UJMCares

Register now for JM435: Intro to Continuum. Students will time travel back to 2006 to wake John Mayer up from dreaming with a broken heart.

The Daily Clarity reports a small group of students have been gathered in the campus courtyard for 6 days, "waiting on the world to change."

Registration is now open for JM175: Intro to Mayer Communication and Oration, students will learn to say what they need to say.

@LauraLynneVu Make sure to check out our other tweets, the #UJM administration poors at least half of their heart into every 140 characters.

Several students fled campus on Friday night after one mistook the July 4th fireworks for warfare, yelling "BOMBS ARE FALLING EVERYWHERE..."

NEWS: U of #JohnMayer track star Georgia Swift has a sprained ankle after falling while running through the halls of her former high school.

@joeymanse Our apologies. #UJM's twitter is run largely by administrators who weren't Born and Raised on social media like today's youth.

The #UJM campus-wide poker tournament erupted after the victor revealed their winning cards, a jack of spades and a queen of California.

Univ of #JohnMayer Family Weekend was a smash success, as several girls who became lovers that turned into mothers enjoyed their daughters.

Campus police have apprehended several illicit drug distributors who promised local students "this'll make you feel bigger than your body."

Take JM355: Child Planning in the Mayer Era. Students will examine the consequences of "if you want love, make it" Mayer culture. #UJM

A cease & desist letter from John Mayer himself has forced the campus photography club to stop making 3x5 prints. They will now use squares.

The Daily Clarity reports @UniversityofJM geography students have made a major discovery in their three year case study "Why Georgia?"

BREAKING: The UJM volunteer fire corps flocked to a wildfire after an inconsolable student attempted to "slow dance in a burning dorm room."

The Daily Clarity reports that a minor explosion in the Mayer Chemistry Lab has left "clouds of sulfur in the air." All were evacuated. #UJM

Please visit Perry Hall where the new maternity clinic "Born and Raised" will teach expecting #UJM students the ins and outs of childcare.

Students at @UniversityofJM Med School learn how #JohnMayer survived with only half of his heart w/ adjunct anatomy professor Taylor Swift.