Research Pixie

I'm bound to find hope if I choose to stay long enough; Life can suck the light right out of me but I will hold on so tightly the friction of my will to live will kindle an ember in my still-beating heart and I can see a way once more by the fire in my soul.

Not to be a fucking nerd or anything but writing academic papers is actually super fun when you have a genuine interest in the topic!

We are so incredibly excited to announce our new album, Sanctuary. It’ll be available on streaming platforms on June 5th. Presave live now. Our new single, Who Will You Follow, is out TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT!! This album is over three years in the making, and we are so damn proud of every second of it. Hope you love it and can’t wait for you to hear it! HERE WE GO!!! evanescence.lnk.to/Sanctuary Style by: Marjan Malakpour & @Gelarehdesigns Photographer: Chapman Baehler

WHO WILL YOU FOLLOW - Out now and available anywhere you listen to music! evanescence.lnk.to/WWYF Produced by: @zakkcervini & Jordan Fish

Buying books as a little treat to fill the void inside you and then stacking them in comforting piles

So I did a thing that I can't tell anyone about. That makes me kind of sad actually.

I've been away. It was nice. Kind of missed info dumping somewhere though. Might just leave again.

Made real headway in therapy today. Talking about a childhood trauma that really fucked me up and I'm only now dissecting it at 41. I always knew how it impacted me but it helped having my therapist say it out loud too. How do I undo 30 years of shame? Slowly.

@soniamaya81 That's good enough.

@VenitHiems Second to second right now

TW New job starts tomorrow but my thoughts are focused on dying...cannot think of anything else. Don't know how to manage a new job while my mind is in this place

@soniamaya81 Oh no! That sucks so much, I'm sorry.

Utterly shit therapy session

I get times when I feel lonely and am tempted to get back to dating and then remember that men are trash and I don't have the capacity to entertain another human.

I've been craving really specific foods lately. All of them considered healthy which is a win. It means I eat more veg. No snacky foods for the whole of Lent and that's super challenging (which is the point, I know).

@Justdreamingof @jabberwock951 This sounds like a trip to HR 😂

@jabberwock951 I’m frequently entertained by some of this entries One of my favourites to read was “Does not arouse despite verbal and physical stimulation”, but regularly see “Difficult to arouse” and “Able to arouse eventually”

PSA for the F1s - the word is "rouse", not "arouse". So hard not to make jokes when you tell the whole of handover how difficult the patient was to arouse.

I'm extra sensitive lately because shit just keeps going wrong and I have to fix it and I am so tired of that. Also perimenopause. 'Nough said.

@soniamaya81 Thank you. It's really a horrible place to be emotionally.

@VenitHiems I'm so sorry you feel this way. I know it doesn't help but I do get it too

I don't know what to do with other people actually showing care toward me. My brain always thinks they're just being polite or placating so I'll stop whining about something. I feel so lonely but it's me withdrawing from love and care because I don't trust it to be genuine.

The only thing in my head is my mental illness, but that's a separate conversation.

I have hip pain which is worse on some days than others. I actually don't know what it feels like to be pain free. A family member asked me if I'm sure it's not psychological. This bothers me more than it should. I have a physical disability. No, it's not all in my head.