violet 🔫

it's atually crazy how the J in marijuana is silent, but the J in my hand is loud as fvck

someone gotta figure out how to make Catalina Island into another Ibiza

god has been cast in the bible

drinking with someone who likes martinis is always weird cuz they’re like “i want it filthy and wet raw missionary with eye contact and sloppy making out” like alright man. cool. im happy u found a drink u like

A mouse hearing a secret: I’m sworn to squeakrecy

this is my version of an egot

i turned wine into barf last night, your move jesus

Huge realization i uust made. We all know the phrase "i spy with my little eye" Well guess what i jusf came up with. "I hear with my little ear" Hoolylyyy shit. Insane. Follow for more

Just got told i remind people of this thing

Chicken caeser…but does chicken …hear her?….does chicken understand her?….does chicken tender….?

You know what.. it’s been way too long since I’ve been in a lazy river. Bitch I love a lazy river!

Guinness is sort of like matcha for Irish people

farmer found my twitter it’s so over

harry releases an album and all of a sudden it’s 70 degrees out and the birds are chirping.. oh harrsephone

need to be at the beach eating ceviche rn

To monitor the situation bitch who asked you???

My entire life is powered by a desire to go swimming in nice water. I only work to go swimming. The winter is hard for me because I lose sight of what is most important when I am far away from going swimming

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY, STARDEW VALLEY 🌱

get weirder diva