Vole Facts

Voles are born flightless, and remain so throughout their entire lives.

Daryl Hall and John Oates think voles are maneaters, but I can't go for that.

Voles are one of the few mammals that can be outrun by a gastropod; which makes you question which one is the most sluggish.

Voles munch on biscuits at such a high frequency it is only audible to dogs.

A finger of Fudge is not enough to give a vole a treat.

When voles have no corn on the cob they have to make do with acorn in the gob; which sounds very similar when speaking with your mouth full.

Voles show a flagrant disregard for serving suggestions.

Every day, a vole somewhere in the world is eating nowhere near what they would consider enough biscuits.

Colonel Abrams' vole can feel a little trapped at times; like a fool in a cage that can't get out.

Vole jumping is not a recognised sport.

Voles are often found lollygagging, so it's imperative you administer the Heimlich manoeuvre and tell them to eat lollies slowly in future.

It's not often you see a vole looking down; not because they're always happy, they just don't like heights.

Voles often find themselves in long grass, but only after a thorough search.

Two voles tied together with string make an interesting yet impractical pair of mittens for a small child.

It's easy to spot the vole with a cocaine habit.

Voles never need to prove themselves as they always rise to the occasion.

Disruptive young voles are in a class of their own.

Buzzcock voles are always falling in love with someone they shouldn't have fallen in love with.

Voles can tell when something's afoot because they know roughly what 12 inches looks like.

Voles only go to church for the wafers and wine.