The Salty Paddler

The opinions expressed by this account are occasionally smartass, sarcastic, and/or satirical & do not necessarily reflect the views of the Chaska Voyageurs or their mgmt. We ♥️ all our baseball friends & Fed burner accounts & are excited to see you at the ballpark.

How many lame excuses can a country of 350 million, with players who grew up immersed in privilege, hosting all the games on entirely favorable terms, make for losing (again) to a "shithole" country 1/10th its size? 🇻🇪

If Team USA wins the @worldbaseballcl tonight, @FBIDirectorKash has to get the MVP, right? #stolenvalor

@sorney @TheFedMN I figured so.

@VsLotTeam @TheFedMN Good ole ChatGPT. The robots are coming for us!! It was mostly done for kicks....then it just became the logo

So, sadly, officially done playing in the @TheFedMN this year. The past 17 years have been awesome!!! Moving on to the TCMABL with the Fightin Tunas. Took the liberty of stealing an Individual record from the Fed, but I think it's ok: tcmabl.com/teams/default.…

@Super70sSports Thank the dumbfucks volunteering as employees going though SeLf cHeCkOuT

I’m sick and fucking tired of stores with 30 checkout lanes and one fucking employee working.

Derek Jeter starting to look a lot like an olive-toned Ryan Saralampi.

@321ThroatPunch @JoJoFromJerz

I dare ANYONE who supports this POS to defend this. Go ahead. I beg you.

@Rachel3Devine @JoJoFromJerz Lol. "Out ways."

@JoJoFromJerz Nobody's perfect, but what he has done for America far out ways his insensitivity.

@jpdelaire @DavidD_Chapman It's amazing that they can be so powerful when we only dump billions of your tax dollars into arming them every year.

@DavidD_Chapman No question about it at all.

Israel is a better military ally then any country in Europe. America doesn't have competent allies in Europe. They can't defend themselves. Their military sucks. Israel has a legitimate military. They are a competent ally.

@TwinsAlmanac @blloyd8298 Dogfood on a burrito.

@blloyd8298 I'll accept your engagement-farming rage bait and say that Chipotle is easily a top fast-food option in those rare instances when you need to get fast food.

What is everyone’s obsession with Chipotle? It’s very mediocre at best

@MLBONFOX Now they'll be going back to their preferred sport — murdering pregnant women with sniper rifles and drones.

Israel has been eliminated from WBC title contention after their loss to the Dominican Republic.

Baseball is harder than bombing children, I guess

@jmgJohnson @SCNext @espn This might be the most tiny dick energy I've ever seen on a platform filled with tiny dick energy accounts.

@SCNext @espn This is the “B” version of the state tournament when everyone needs a ribbon. The real championship is tonight! Go back to 8 teams only!

Warroad defeats Hibbing-Chisholm in overtime for the Minnesota boys Class A state championship 🏆 📺KSTP

@merrylynn06 @w_terrence @AllegiantJbp1

@w_terrence @AllegiantJbp1

Heavenly Father, we come to You today with heavy hearts. We have lost three American service members in Iran. Three families are now facing phone calls no family ever wants to receive. Three homes will never be the same again. Lord, we lift up the mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, children, and loved ones of these fallen heroes. Wrap Your arms around them in this unbearable moment. Give them strength when the grief feels overwhelming. Give them peace when their hearts are shattered. Remind them that their loved ones served with courage and honor. Father, we also pray for every American soldier still on the ground in Iran right now. Protect them. Shield them from harm. Give them clarity in chaos, courage under fire, and the ability to come home safely to their families. Stand beside them in every mission and every uncertain moment. We ask for wisdom for our leaders, protection over our troops, and comfort for every grieving family tonight. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

@w_terrence Clown shit. How many babies have our bombs been killing while you fellate Trump like a cowering, pathetic sycophant. Fake-ass bible-thumping fraud.

@PaulaJo4GOP @realDonaldTrump Okay bootlicker

@realDonaldTrump We love you President Trump!

Has Barron enlisted yet, or did he inherit his daddy's bone spurs (and mushroom dong).

Hoping every MAGA voter had "starting WWIII at the behest of an apartheid state to make people forget about Trump fucking children" on their bingo card.

@TwinsAlmanac @TheFedMN @ChaskaVoyageurs I mean, with @MinnokaGrays going for the 4-peat this year, you should probably work on getting @fourloko on board as a sponsor..

@VsLotTeam @TheFedMN @ChaskaVoyageurs First time I was ever a part of any championship ever, I got to drink Four Loko provided by the Voyageurs out of the trophy. Looking forward to the Voyageurs being more active participants in the celebration at Patelling the thing this year.

If the @ChaskaVoyageurs don't win a @TheFedMN championship this summer it's okay with me. I'm just gonna show up smashing beers with whoever does and Kash Patel the shit out of your celebration!

@SaltyGoat17 Nope. You're just a dipshit cultist.

Can we all agree Mark Kelly is an ABSOLUTE POS?