Joel Wade

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn't sure I was using correctly.

“I’m sorry it’s so warm in here.” -me to the burglars who just broke into my house.

Murderers should just dump the body in a cemetery. That way police will find it and be like "oh this makes sense."

*Mario breaking up with Princess Peach* “It’s not you, It’s-a-meeee!”

They putting a tarrif on Narnia and I’m just saying Aslan isn’t gonna take this lion down…. Good night everybody 👋

Debt collector: Sir, you have an outstanding balance Me: Omg stahp ☺️

Me for no particular reason: get out LEAVE! right now it's the end of you and me it's too late NOW! i can't wait for you to be gone ITS TOO LATE! Cause I know about her WHO? And I wonder WHY?

Blackstreet as lawyers: Your honor, the prosecution has yet to prove beyond a reasonable diggity that the defendant is guilty.

The spread of misinformation during April fools day is frustrating and I can only imagine how the internet would be if this kind of behavior was allowed on the reg.

Idk this day could use a little bit more Mon if you ask me.

Have we tried printing tarot cards onto pop-tarts yet?

If you find yourself about to make a big purchase, stop and ask yourself: Is it worth it? Can you work it? Put your name down flip it and reverse it!! Isurithanample! Isurithanample!

I refer to animals by the sound they make before their name. For example: “Moo” Cow “Woof” Dog “Do you know who my father is?!” Tanner

*Bop it…Twist it…Pull it* -me shopping for avocados

For those that were wanting to know.. My fashion style is referred to as “Wet Bandit chic”

When walking into a club, I make sure to locate the precise location of the windows and walls...this will be important later.

Youth Pastor : y’all know who we need to thank for giving that “Hawk Tuah” for our sins?

Wearing sunglasses is kind of a dick move to sunlight honestly. Photons traveling 93 million miles and right when it's just an inch from my eye I'm all "umm, no lol”

Joshua Tree is my favorite National Park that sounds like someone coming up with a fake boyfriend’s name on the spot.

i wanna learn how to drive a stick shift so I can tell my friend in the passenger seat to “hold on to something” then shift perfectly in sync to 🎵 Click Click Boom 🎵