David Farqhuit

@backmarket have already blown it. First delivery slot for my phone was a total no-show. Next day, phone arrived without a SIM tray. Fuck you all.

@4GadgetsUK are fucking useless. They have screwed up two out of two chances to sell me a decent phone. Avoid.

@tmsproducer Jadeja vu?

@philtufnell Do you think Umpire Reiffel should be fired? 🔫😆 (Dave in Hastings)

@themiltonjones I would wish you luck Milton, but you'll have a highly skilled consultant and care team so you shouldn't need luck. Speedy recovery.

I'm so sorry about this, but I need to announce the cancellation of several dates from my ongoing Ha!Milton Tour. Ticket holders for the cancelled shows will be contacted directly by the venue box office.

@quantick Never got excited about Tears for Fears. Of all the shit on Antique Top of The Pops Roadshow tonight, only Shakespeare's Sister are true class. I've given up, switched the shit off.

@TheNarraback webmd.com/covid/news/202…

This just tastes of wet hay. Seems I’ve had covid for the second time this year. Tests were negative though, so no idea what’s going on

@lebara why will texts not send to my friend in USA? I need this sorted, out I'm off. Please do not ignore this.

@TheNarraback That's funny

Daughter saw me double tap on the roof of her granpa’s car. Her: “what was that for?” Me: “that’s to tell the driver it’s safe to go” Her: .. .. .. Me: “kids can’t do it, it’s a “small joy” you get to do as a grown up” Her: “why can’t I do it?” Me: “you can’t reach the roof.”

@lebara why is my account refusing to send texts to USA?

@TheNarraback Probably give it another go, but if it's not working for you now it might not again.

@Wavy_Davy I only managed one episode of@that? Should I give it another go? They had brilliant experts on there, but just used them@as talking heads (& torsos) and I was getting annoyed that they just seemed to run at it. (I thought about asterix & obelix when I was watching

Why I became a photographer. The first one is a battle scene if you’re wondering. My father was an artist, and no, guess he never taught me the basics. (Age 6)

@TheNarraback The A21, perchance?

A road that I didn’t know about

@stevemaythe1st @SuellaBraverman It's a lifestyle choice, Steve. Excellent hyphenation, by the way (he patronised).

@SuellaBraverman What HAPPENED to you to make you such a revolting, cruel, empathy-free individual? Your rhetoric is cynical & disgusting. You talked about ‘hate’ the other day, you’re an expert in it. You disgust me.

The British people are compassionate. We will always support those who are genuinely homeless. But we cannot allow our streets to be taken over by rows of tents occupied by people, many of them from abroad, living on the streets as a lifestyle choice. 1/4

@SuellaBraverman I'm hoping to make it to a hate march tomorrow. I don't hate Jews, I hate you and most of your colleagues. I hate Hamas and what they did. I hate innocent children getting killed by Israeli bombs. That's a lot of hate, and I hate it.

@SuellaBraverman I think being a nasty obnoxious cunt is a lifestyle choice too.

Sad news from the announcements page of the local newspaper in Hastings:

@stevemaythe1st @mrmarksteel It took me several goes, but I think I have to concede that I was wrong. Sorry Steve!

@Wavy_Davy @mrmarksteel There’s 8 legs there Wavy! Count ‘em again

Out of St George’s Hospital for now. I’ve left a review on Trip Advisor, «views were a delight, everything spotless, staff exceptional. Slight quibble at being led into a room, knocked out and a chunk of throat being removed but overall top quality all round ••••• »

@BorisJohnson Are you still here? Why don't you just fuck off, you slug?

@TheNarraback I wonder that

Cars have killed off any of badgers in my immediate area, so I have a biblical amount of slugs. My question to the panel is; why aren’t any of the birds eating them? I’ve everything from crows down and there haven’t been any raptors around. So..?