Whimsical Wordsmith

No one had to show me how to be tightly wound. I'm self-taut.

You should be able to twist the bottom of a Pringles container to bring the Pringles to the top; you know, like Chapstick.

The ticket taker stubbed his toe.

The most miserable royal child is the King Crab.

There’s no one named Rufus who can’t imitate a dog barking.

I asked the elevator operator if he was having any issues. He said. “Nothing pressing.”

“Why are you at Whole Foods?” “I’m in the market for a new car.”

I walked to the store with my friend. I was along for the stride.

A hungover admiral drinks a fuzzy naval.

There’s an apartment that’s been on my mind: stu stu studio.

For some folks, counting past nine is untenable.

There’s Something About Level 42 and UB40 drinking Red Red Wine with Sum 41 and getting a Fat Lip.

Betsy Ross once got caught drinking on the job and was in sew much trouble.

Apple pickers stick to their core values.

My assortment of nuts was met with mixed reactions.

“i, ii, iii, iv!”ー Ramones playing Ancient Rome

Kids today still clamor for plastic toys at the grocery store.

Nothing made me feel more regal than playing tennis with a Prince racquet.

I had to check my complaining at the winery door.

Some people’s smile can dim a room.

Split Enz never used conditioner.