whit

does anyone want to play outside after work

taking the horn by the bull

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck

I got banned from the park for trying to line up the squirrels by height. This town doesn't like me critter sizing.

I can tell ur ass went to Jupiter to get more stupider

starting the second half of your sandwich is like hell yeah baby let’s run it back

i never beg except when it’s to differ

Youre telling me a flea runs this market

i would like to personally thank whoever gingered the first ale

My five year plan is to see how it goes

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life.

the reason men can open jars easier is because they don’t moisturize

I really wish I was a woman of few words. Unfortunately, you will hear from me. 👍🏽

There's 2 birds throwing stones at me

thinking about the matte blue scooby doo fruit snack

Men deserve periods and women deserve their high metabolism

Why everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time

the dead horse is beating me

every pet owner has a foundational nickname from which 58 other names ripple outwards. the sourdough starter name