Softboy

we literally used to write a rough draft and final draft essay BY HAND 😭😭😭

pretending you don't notice people staring at you is such a skill.

people be thinking i got money because i’m hot, nigga i’m broke asf.

universities will carefully choose the lecturer with the worst accent for the most important course.

My gym has a guy who grunts. Not a little grunt. A full theatrical, announcing-to-the-world grunt every single rep. Every set. For the entire hour he's there. I've been going at the same time as him for two months. I've developed a relationship with the grunts. I can tell which weight he's on by the grunt. Light weight: small grunt. Almost polite. Medium weight: proper grunt. Committed. Heavy weight: a sound that makes new members look up from their phones. Last Tuesday he came over while I was resting between sets. Him: You're making good progress man. Me: (surprised he's noticed) Me: Thanks. You too. Him: How long you been training. Me: Couple years on and off. You? Him: Fifteen years. Me: (looks at him) Me: (fifteen years of grunting) Me: That's serious. Him: It's just part of life at this point. You competing? Me: Nah just for myself. Him: Best reason. (nods) Good form on your deadlift by the way. A lot of guys your size round their back. You don't. Me: (pause) Me: Thanks man. I appreciate that. Him: (goes back to his weights) Him: (immediately produces the loudest grunt I've heard in two months) Me: (puts headphones back in) Me: (genuinely touched by the compliment) Me: (somehow the grunting bothers me less after that)

being easily laughable is soooooooooo fuuuuuuuun. everyone’s like. that wasn’t even funny. i’m like okay whateve. i’m the most joyous one here

Friend: Bro I think my Airbnb host is insane. Me: Why. Friend: He told me "make yourself at home." Me: That's normal. Friend: Then he disappeared for six hours. Me: Also normal. Friend: BRO HE CAME BACK WITH A LIVE FISH. Me: What. Friend: Not groceries, ONE FISH. Me: Why would he buy a single fish. Friend: That's what I asked. Me: And? Friend: "He stared at me for like five seconds and said, 'The fish chose me.'" Me: ........ Friend: "THEN HE PUT IT IN THE BATHTUB." pause. Me: "Did you leave?" Friend: "I TRIED." Me: "He stopped you??" Friend: "No, but when I walked toward the door the fish looked at me." Me:"Brother you're in a horror movie." later that night Friend texts: "The fish is gone." Me: "GONE WHERE." Friend: "He won't answer questions directly anymore." next message: "He just said: 'Some guests are temporary.'" I would've called the police immediately. What's the weirdest experience you've ever had staying somewhere unfamiliar?

I will pay for my convenience.. I don’t like stress😭

As a black person your reasons for not dating other black people will never make any sense to me.

"Sex is what makes us human" is stupid. Almost every species fucks. Humans are the only species that jumps motorcycles over school buses that are on fire. Some other things too probably

We all have that one friend who doesn’t have a corporate job but somehow has more money than everybody.

Sure I cried, I begged, l blew up your phone. I got angry, I wouldn't leave you alone. Sure I seemed crazy and annoying, but you can never say I didn’t try tho.

Damn it's over💔

Any other neurodivergents used to love being under water cause it made everything quiet?

god should’ve made me a pet, the way imma dog this bitch

Ngl neurodivergent people can't live up to their potential until they stop masking out of fear of rejection.

they should invent a man that only likes one woman

if i’m fine tell me i’m fine, why are you reacting to my story?

There're people who can spend a whole day alone in the room with their phone😂😂

Friends that understand your anti-social phases are important.

So y'all be giving niggas HAIRY pussy 😭🤣🤣