ZileBish

I like seeing shopping carts on the side of the road. They finally escaped the endless cycle of consumerism and returned to nature.

The American West is such a strange dichotomy. You have the most beautiful, sweeping vistas you've ever seen in your life, right next to a restaurant called "Spud & Chug"

Me: I have no food in the fridge Brain: because you ate it Me: I just bought food on Monday Brain: yes and you ate it Me: there is hardly anything here Brain: YOU NEED TO EAT TO SURVIVE Me: seems like a waste of money. I'll just order delivery Brain: why do I try?

Hey man, I'm sending you good vibes but I didn't want to pay for express shipping so they should be there in 3-5 business days.

First date idea: dress in a toga, go to the Renn Faire and pretend everything is from the future.

Man: Do you have tickets to the...GUN SHOW? *flexes* Me: yeah, hold on, I think I have an email. Man: wait no- Me: I know there's a confirmation number here somewhere. Can you look me up by last name? I also have the credit card I paid with. Man: You're ruining the bit.

Where is the hot, trendy millennial marketing for life alert? As someone who lives alone and works from home frequently, I would like to alert my friends and family I'm dead in my apartment but in a youthful way. Maybe with confetti

There needs to be a serious and a goofy year book photo. Like, yeah let's get a nice one for Grandma and then make a silly face. I want to open up a yearbook and see a bunch of kids making funny faces.

The feminine urge to clarify to your friend that you definitely aren't in an MLM and won't financially benefit from the over-the-top recommendation you just gave of your new moisturizer.

Me: yeah I saw this video last night, really insightful, changed my life. Friend: ooo interesting, was it one of the ones you sent me? Me: No, those were just a bunch of the dumbest memes I could find.

Depression logic is like "Wow, I am feeling so bad but you know what I should NOT do? Call on the love and support of people who have affirmed many times that they would be there for me. Bet they would hate that."

"heLLOOO darkness my old friend!! Omg so good to talk with you again, you would not BELIEVE these visions that are creeping, let me tell you...."

Me: So while it's not classical dance, my interpretation brings in a lot of classical elements presented through a more modern and interpretive lens. (Me explaining to the cop why I kept changing lanes.)

Me: show me Car: I don't think you want to- Me: SHOW ME *flips down mirror* Me: *fighting back tears* I knew it. The bathroom mirror lied. My eyeshadow is way too heavy. Car: Truth seekers rarely find happiness....also the oil light is on.

Doctor: enjoy the sunny day! Even indoors, it's always nice to see the sun. Me: yeah, uh, it just makes everything....lighter? My brain: YEP! There it is! There's that dumb response that will keep you awake tonight. Congrats!!

Take ADHD medication? No, I don't want to be dependent on anything. I'd rather rely on dozens of coping mechanisms I've created to incite a sense of panic that allows me finish washing the dishes. It works half the time!

Being a single bird mom has its days. I looked over at my bird and said "don't do anything that I'm going to regret" then watched and she bit a hole in my check book.

Sexy 900-number ad: Call now for adult conversations 😉 *Man dials, I pick up* Me: Hey, I don't know what to get your mother this year and frankly, it's not my responsibility, it's yours. Man: uh, is this adult conversations? Me: well it would be if you took accountability

My life January thru November: STRESS My life in December: STRESS (peppermint flavor)

I am an adult. I have a job. Yet some days I wish I could just raise my hand, tell my teacher I have a tummy ache and lie down in the nurse's office for a while.