Zoe Rabinowitz

Some days I feel like the worst parent in the world and some days my daughter screams at the top of her lungs “I LOVE READING!!!”

Just got an email that Donald Trump is looking for the Top 15 Patriots in Iowa. Can’t wait to find out who they are.

Why does my thermostat want access to Netflix and Spotify? Is this a Murderbot situation?

Is this really how we say goodbye? 🥲

If I became the mayor after this you can bet Apple isn’t getting a thank you letter

They shouldn’t make horses be cops, it’s not in their nature

My toddler likes to tell me she’s all done with dinner and then while I take her plate away stuff 150 calories of avocado in her mouth

Why is it that I need subtitles to watch anything these days? Is it just because I’ve gotten older or have I become addicted to knowing what everyone is saying?

One lesson I refuse to learn is that you don’t have to tell people when you have a dream about them

“Honey you know there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism, now I’m off to work”

Do…the Buffalo Bills need an official Apple?

I liked when everyone had different shaped phones

I have an 8 month old, is now a good time to start on Tolkien’s legendarium?

My baby does not react to the sound of her name (not surprising, we never call her by it) but has a strong reaction when we say our cats name

One of the greatest quality of life allowances I’ve made for myself is that if I’m very depressed I’m allowed to run the dishwasher half full

We’ve offered our 6 month old beef, sweet potato, and avocado and so far her favorite foods are bookmark and sheet music

@allison_tweets8 I think you’re very brave

Do women with long hair know that when they see a woman with short hair that they don’t need tell her how brave she is or how they could “never pull off” short hair ?

They need an Uber for pick-up trucks

@loydweldy Am I the inner critic?

My wife always teases me for packing five books but on my last trip I finished two on the first set of plane rides! Don’t listen to the inner critic!

Tried using tinfoil to keep pistachio out of the plants 🐱 🪴