scaredycatshirts

I’m sick of holding my horses they deserve to run free and kick people to death

“ you’re so unique” thanks I have schizophrenia

first date idea we both cancel

come on in the waters warm

I’m like if low hanging fruit was a person

I don’t have rizz I have shingles

I’m like if a mannequin came to life and started biting people

Gas prices so high my son lives there now

I’m like if an inside out umbrella was a person

Could R2D2 print a document if Luke Skywalker really needed it

She hasn’t replied to my Instagram message in 4 weeks is that good

I read an article and something is happening I think

So apparently you’re not allowed to touch all your co workers faces even if some of them like it

your honor are you mad at me

I can kill way more than 2 birds with one stone

Going to an office party and telling my colleagues I would die for them

Robbing a bank with one of these

the clown i keep in my basement hasnt made a sound in 24 hours im scared to look

I’m like if a denied loan application was a person

I’m not unemployed I’m free range