𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚌 𝙲𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚜 🍄@anactualwalnut
Losing a parent young is awful for a laundry list of reasons but I don’t really see people discuss how much it makes you disillusioned to how pointless and fake everything is. You experience something earth shattering before you’re fully mentally developed and realize mortality comes at any time and what truly matters are the people you love and the moments of joy you have while you’re still here. It makes everything else feel so stupid. Putting on acts for people, climbing a corporate ladder, working your life away, shrinking yourself…
you watch someone who gave you life die in front of you before you even understand the world, and suddenly the fake, pandering behaviors of everyone around you become too nauseating to stomach. I know what actually matters now, because I lost it. Then you enter the true adult world, start working, start trying to make it, and realize that you’re surrounded by empty shells whose entire being surrounds a meaningless job and meaningless social ladder climbing because that is their entire identity. That is what gives them purpose. What gave me purpose was the realization that life is a blink and death comes for all of us in the end regardless of how self important we are. I lost all ability to care about manufactured capitalistic meanings of life, and I can spot people who derive their entire self worth from their ability to social climb from a mile away. I genuinely do not care to perform for people, and this makes life a bit harder, but at least I don’t hate myself.
