Halāl Pair: Muslim Marriage App@halal_pair
They have lied to us.
Somebody somewhere has deceived us Muslim girls into believing that marrying a man who cannot take care of you is some kind of virtue or badge of honor.
Wallāhi, I can’t deal anymore.
I know this won’t sit well with a lot of people, but I need to say it as it is.
Today is the 10th of October. Between last month and now, I’ve received messages from at least four sisters, all pregnant. Their pregnancy stages are different, but they have one painful thing in common which is that they’re starving and lacking financially.
They can’t afford medications or hospital bills.
One is due for delivery but hasn’t bought a pin of baby things. Another can’t even go for antenatal because she has no money for transport.
And when I ask about their situations because I always do, the stories are too similar.
Their husbands have no means of income.
One said her husband is still in his final year. You married him knowing he’s still being catered for!
Another said her husband has been “job hunting” since they got married, and she’s been the one hustling and taking care of the home until pregnancy pinned her down and she could no longer work.
These sisters are all young around 22, 23, 24 and carrying their first child. They didn’t marry out of desperation. They simply believed a lie.
Listen, there are three basic responsibilities in marriage:
👉 Biological
👉 Domestic
👉 Financial
Two already rest on your neck as a woman why are you taking the last one too?
What, then, is your husband doing?
And worst of all, most of these men don’t even like you.
Because if a man truly likes you, he won’t watch you lack. He won’t sit back while you’re hungry and helpless. He’ll do anything halal to provide for you. Even if it means carrying concrete to feed you.
But here you are, pregnant, starving, and your husband is snoring inside claiming he’s “a graduate” and can’t do “just any job.”
Yet he’s perfectly fine watching you suffer.
A man will refuse to marry you if you can’t cook, but you, you walk into marriage with a man who can’t provide, and somehow, you think it’s noble. It’s not. Whoever made you believe you're doing something noble lied to you.
It’s dangerous.
Before you go into marriage with anyone, confirm if;
He can provide,
You can provide,
Or you both have a safety net. Your parents or his, anyone else.
Anything outside these is a disaster waiting to happen.
Pregnancy alone is already a risk to your life. Now add hunger and lack of medical care, that’s no longer faith, that’s a death sentence.
Pregnancy takes nine months for a baby to arrive, that is more than enough time to prepare for its arrival. That is enough time to get baby things and get you in the healthy position to go into labour.
Yes, rizq comes with marriage and children, but you must still be able to afford the basics before stepping in.
And I know that life happens but deep within yourself, you know when life happened and when you started out blindly.
I know you and I have been lied to but money is compulsory in marriage.
I'll say it again.
Money is compulsory in marriage.
And again, MONEY IS COMPULSORY IN MARRIAGE.
I’m not talking about luxury or wealth, I’m talking about stability.
You need money to feed, you need money to survive. You need money to cater for the hospital bills especially when you become with a child. You're at the risk of dying without having money.
Let your parents confirm his source of income. Let your father see his payslip if he has one. It doesn’t make you unspiritual or materialistic, it makes you wise.
It’s not a virtue to marry a man who has nothing.
It’s self-sabotage.
Stop manipulating random strangers online to fund your feeding or hospital bills.
Hold your husband accountable, respectfully, but firmly. He is the one ordained by Allah to provide for you.
Don’t walk into the valley of death.
Don’t fail your unborn children by choosing a father who can’t provide for them.
Those children will grow up and resent you for it.
Have mercy on yourself.
And have mercy on your parents too.
You carry pregnancy for nine months. You feed yourself all through it. You sponsor yourself to antenatal. How you bought baby things is between you and your Mom. You paid the hospital bills after delivery. Your father finds himself carrying the bulk of your baby's aqeeqah.
Please, what is wrong with you?
PS: Those who will come under this comment section to talk about how they married their husbands when he had no job but now, he has four wives, fourteen houses in Magodo, and four hundred cars, please remember to tell us the entire story of where and how you got financial support. Because it is basically impossible to survive without money.
You wouldn't be here to tell us this type of story if monetary help didn't find you.0
-Abass Rahmatallahi Ejide
