erin

the math side of my brain just really didn’t develop past the first grade and my boss has me trying to write up an invoice. your best bet is to truly pick any other employee but here we are

I can’t think of any piece of clothing less flattering than low rise jeans. Idk how to not look 300 lbs in them like???

me & the Triple A guy are about to be on first name basis. I have had to call this man twice this month and I know he’s sick of me

Bitch I love me a good NAP

I need to win the lottery ASAP

not to be a negative nelly but I’m really having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week I’ll tell you that. and if you don’t know that reference, don’t talk to me.

I heard someone say “it’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure” and I am beside myself

my dog just projectile vomited in my car and it’s all in the seat crevices. so if you were thinking about getting a dog, maybe take that into consideration :/

making 3x the rent is really something to me. like if I made 3x the rent I’d live somewhere nicer ??

all I’m saying is chick-fil-a should look into spicy nuggets and cajun fries

so I’m officially at the age where the dads of people I went to hs with will try to hit on me. ABSOLUTELY hate it here

but at least now it’s outside and I am not

to all the sugar daddies in my dm’s that I denied in the past - hi it’s me I take it back things are not looking good

so my dog had a bad day. first, he has to wear a cone. then, his tummy was upset & he projectile vomited across my bed. I went to put it back on him & I ACCIDENTALLY SNAPPED HIS EAR IN THE SIDE OF THE CONE WHEN I WAS PUTTING IT BACK ON. someone needs to be a better mom than me bc

it’s hard to explain to people that I have a very sweet boy when this happens. apologies to all the small animals out there, progress is not linear

The feminine urge to take a 3 hour nap every single day

someone described me yesterday as someone who “selectively participates” instead of saying I’m lazy lol

just heard someone refer to coffee as a “bean squeeze” and it really ruined my day :/

I got bit by a mosquito on my forehead and it’s now the size of a half dollar don’t ask how my day is

just had to drop my dog off at the boarding place for the weekend and my heart is broken I absolutely hated it