mr. brightside

things i actually said out loud to my cat today: a thread

How it feels to ask someone if they’re gonna eat their pickle

no like… my first concert? the first people i ever stanned? posters all over my room? HELLO???

me in a car: these pedestrians are insane, that guy could’ve died in a crosswalk me as a pedestrian: i am. Ready to Die in a crosswalk

inside out if it was filmed inside my head

not to be controversial but personally i think we should have more options than a gently alive corpse and the dumbest Hitler of all time

jesus christ google yes you can have my location. i’m literally just checking the spelling of a word but by all means, sure, know exactly where I am. freak

You guys can’t see my likes right now but I’m liking some interesting and niche things you probably wouldn’t understand. I’m liking some memes that are outside your realm of fathomability. Just letting you know

I have this at work

one minute you're young, the next minute you're defending your new pair of Crocs

kinda miss being 13 reading wattpad stories until 5 am on a summer night

TurboTax: does all of this information look accurate to you? me:

i should’ve bought a house in 2007 instead of playing on my pink nintendo ds

born to say “are you fucking stupid” forced to say “wow i’ve never thought about it like that before”

you know it’s not the same as it was

Let me call Samantha puckett on you hoes