Shower Thoughts

We laugh at dogs getting excited when they hear a bark on TV, but if TV was a nonstop stream of unintelligible noises and then someone suddenly spoke to you in your language, you'd be pretty fucking startled too.

We're lucky that our bodies require sleep, otherwise our cultures would have us working 16-20 hour days.

Maybe little kids have it right when they worship the garbage man, the postman, the guy who drives the semi and cranes, instead of admiring the cesspool of Hollywood that we adults seem to.

If you are alone when you crack open a peanut shell and eat the peanut inside, you are the only person in the world to have ever seen that peanut.

The average car in space is nicer than the average car on Earth

Mosquitoes sure are brave for creatures with only 1 hp

Your thoughts could be in such a personalized coded shorthand that even if someone could read your mind they wouldn’t understand what the hell you’re thinking.

Anybody that questions why you are shoveling six inches of snow in the *middle* of a snowstorm hasn't shoveled twelve inches of snow at the end of a snowstorm.

Single Player games that don’t require internet are going to be extremely valuable during the apocalypse

If you were invisible, you could have a perfectly normal relationship with a blind person

Before radios, tvs, and smartphones people never knew there were so many dumb people out there. They just thought it was that one guy in town.

An onion is the bass player of food. You would probably not enjoy it solo, but you’d miss it if it wasn’t there.

the clip of Will Smith already has more views than the film he won an Oscar for ever will

The ten years between 25 and 35 are far shorter than the four years between 14 and 18.

If people from the Star Wars universe ever came to Earth, the fact that it has deserts, rain forests, prairies, tundras AND oceans would probably be a real mind fuck for them.

People who respond with "That's not how the world works" when told to be nice are the reason that's not how the world works.

When medication says "do not operate heavy machinery" they're probably mainly referring to cars, but my mind always goes to forklift.

Telling kids that a cop will arrest you as a disciplinary tool, then expecting kids to tell a cop if something bad is happening to them, must be confusing as hell.

USPS could make more money if they put post offices in airports so instead of throwing something out that you forgot was in your bag you could mail it home.

Wikipedia built the biggest modern information hub using nothing but nerds' need to correct each other.

Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humour gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it's at your own expense.