cosmic gumbo

I said I didn’t want to work for a living anymore. So my sister suggested I get a sugar daddy. I thought she said sugar glider so now I’m here with a flying rodent and no money

Going through a break up, sick, and about to get my period. Had to finish off this year strong

I’m in a bad place right now (Target parking lot)

@s4m31p4n That’s the cutest cat I’ve ever seen

Zack is helping

This is what Tom Sandoval looks like

HAVE*

If you choose velos over zyns you had issues them shits is nasty

Bro last night was a series of unfortunate events

I love that no one interacts with me on here it feels like tumblr where I’m just talking to the abyss about absolute bullshit

Did you know that eggs is ovals

My twitter is all about eggs now. Only egg posting for me

I just think eggs should come out of the chicken already deviled

My brain: 1 minute and 40 seconds My mouth: 1 dollar and 40 seconds

Apple literally never asks for your password for anything and then when you finally need it 7 years later you have no idea what it is and then Apple gets mad at you and starts publicly bashing you and your loved ones

is 3 hard boiled eggs too many? not that it matters i already ate them but i’m just wondering

Deviled eggs are the only food that matters

One thing about my dad is he’s always gonna tell me Sirius radio is free this month even though I’ve never used it in my life

I really enjoy that there’s a regular snowman emoji and a snowy snowman emoji. Important distinction ⛄️ ☃️

People who keep setting off their own car alarm over and over, yeah that should absolutely not be happening please get a grip

Bored. Thinking about putting a fork in the microwave

@BuffaloBills @Wegmans Booooo

Final.