phisnom 🧪⚠️ || VTUBER DEBUT ON SEPT 17@phisnom
went and looked through my socials a bit today, and i HAVE to say this before going to bed.
i am seriously SHOCKED by how many kind words of support i've been receiving recently, both publicly & privately.
not from just friends who reached out to make sure i was okay, but from the Vtuber community and creators within the space.
after 3+ years of constant harassment and death threats sent my way while trying to improve myself as a person, slowly bit by bit, trying to be more open and honest and less cynical about things i enjoy, all while having to grit my teeth and smile through receiving the worst from other people, this is the first time in a WHILE that I have seen so many people in a community actually be mature, understanding of past mistakes and be genuinely kind back to me.
its become such an alien feeling to me i genuinely don't know how to properly formulate how thankful I am.
for context, if you dont know who i am:
ive been a fan of Vtubers since the early years, thanks to my obsession with Resident Evil i found Kizuna's playthrough of RE7 through her clips and i was enamored with the concept of virtual avatar streamers. I have been following the space closely and somewhat privately since then, I've loved Kaguya Luna, Kiryu Coco, the Holo EN girls, Phase Connect and many people from the major indie boom of the last few years.
I was still a teenager back then though and i didn't leave the FNAF community when I should have, instead, i stuck with a fan project that made me absolutely miserable, that + a horrible college experience and homelife genuinely ruined my mental health for the better part of my late teens/early adulthood, it made me lash out, rely on tasteless jokes and cynicism that hurt other people and made me close myself off emotionally due to how demanding and insane and entitled fans of that community treated me. its something ive still yet to recover completely to this day.
but the one ray of genuine comfort I found through all of that was Vtubers, watching clips, highlights, streams and just seeing these people interacting and having fun kept me going despite the circumstances. ill deeply value those memories from the early years of Vtubing forever.
nearly 5 years ago, because I wanted to carve a little piece of my own life back, I started a Youtube channel of my own! shamelessly copying the format of my favorite creators, in a lower budget using a cartoony png tuber oc, so I could record myself playing games I was looking forward to. it was a rough start but i didn't think anything was gonna come from it at first, but as i continued a community of people formed around me and supported me just for being myself, and I am still not properly emotionally ready to describe how thankful I am for that.
Ever since I've tried becoming more open about what I truly like, rather than rely on irony or jokes because of how deeply restricting and demanding fanbases of the games I was into are on creators. I've been trying to openly support Vtubers I am a fan of, I've been talking about them on my streams, raiding my community into them and they've been so kind and supportive to them back, it's genuinely warmed my heart to see my community understanding why I love Vtubers and their creators so much, and I thank every single person who has gotten into this hobby through me endlessly.
I am finally at a point that I am confident to take the plunge and fully focus on Vtubing. I don't want to cater or bow down to people who will joke about serious crimes to get their laughs, I want to distance myself from these communities and openly and sternly tell them to go away, because they have genuinely brought me nothing but grief. I want to give back to the Vtuber community and my friends for their support, and become who I wanna be while continuing to improve along the way.
Thank you for reading this, and if you are still interested, I hope to see you there for my full proper Vtuber redebut on September 17th! 🙇♂️🙇♂️🙇♂️
