Ashley Harrington

I’m a THOT leader. Thank you and goodnight.

If we aren’t doing this, your friendship security clearance status is civilian level.

Stop, I’m grinding! tiktok.com/t/ZT8FYrrQk/

Tony Soprano voice: ooooooohhhh!

This is an accident I would have had at 16. Not proud of it, but it’s a fact.

GUYS. Amazing real-life version of that scene in Big Fish. Swooning to death. I expect the same in 2064. abc7.com/kansas-sunflow…

oceans: hot tub aliens: real economy: disintegrating me: hey just circling back on my last email

As a woman who just realized her son’s backpack has been too heavy for a year because a pocket was STUFFED with rocks, this slaps! tiktok.com/t/ZT88DjurR/

10/10 tiktok.com/t/ZT8dKEUbq/

6 YO grilled me about whether there were women who wanted to marry my husband, but I fought them off, so I could marry him. Notably, he has no such questions about whether my husband had to fight off the competition. Honestly….? Fair.

I’ve decided to rewatch either Dawson’s Creek or The OC because I feel like being embarrassed by things I used to like.

Shame recognize shame.

Saw a woman reading a PAPER book IN the neighborhood pool, while wading around (NOT parked against the wall), getting INFURIATED if kids splashed anywhere near her. Go ahead and kill us all, aliens!

8 YO just described heelies as “those old school shoes with wheels.”

The producers of Hoarders should just follow people out of these parking lots.

If my husband worked for Gillette, I’d say “the best a man can get?” with HEAVY question emphasis as a fun bit every single time he mentioned anything resembling an accomplishment. Then, he’d kill me for being annoying, but it’d be OK because my ghost would also do the bit.

“If you got it, flaunt it.” — what I imagine the woman who I just saw wearing a patriotic MILF shirt said as she selected her outfit today

A cool thing about my brain is that it remembers exactly which cabinet I glanced at toothpicks in 2 days ago — YET — remembers nothing of my childhood.

Try not to like this. TRY. tiktok.com/t/ZT8eYQRT5/

@BeataGlover Took me a minute, but I got there

We’ve solved the conversation STARTER problem. Let’s get cracking on conversation STOPPERS.

Horror movie idea: I tell my husband I’m “going for a small walk” at the airport and I’ve taken my wallet with me, which means I am about to go spend $47 on snacks