utilityknife

I'm this close to relapsing, but I'm waiting for my packages :)

Ambulance, back to psych ward 🙃

Haven't been doing well, 2 days ago had a long talk with a nurse about sh and not caring about my life, yesterday got drunk for the first time in 2 years, wonder what today's gonna be..

So I got out of the ward and the ward told me if I sh even ONCE, they're automatically putting me to the ward for a MINIMUM of 2 weeks. I mean that's a little crazy to me

Okay, the urges are pretty strong again. I'm triggered right now because I feel like no one is helping me, even though everyone is, but the help is not for some reason improving my state. I feel like I need a different kind of help and I'm so sad I'm not getting it.

Okay, the suicidal thoughts are getting pretty strong again. I need to remind myself of reasons to stay, one particular one has been.. chips, I want to eat a bag of chips once I get out of the ward. That's a reason to stay. I'd regret it if I could never eat a bag of chips again

Vent vent Everyone has their lives better off than me, they have friends, studies, even if they're suffering from mental illness. I have neither, not one friend, no studies. I'm just about done with everything. I have even less of a reason to stop sh now, I don't care

It's driving me to the brink of insanity, how they won't let me sh. I mean literally, they said to my face "if u sh again you're inevitably coming back here" so that's that. and none of the other methods work, ice, rubber bands, or chili candies.

I have 2 razors hidden here at the ward but I can't use them because I really want to get out Thursday, the urges are so bad thoughhh

In the ward again, and I don't feel like it's justified, I only sh, I'm not even suicidal, but they say my sh is severe enough I could die so they need me to stop. I'm getting out Thursday but they're basically threatening me with hospitalization if I continue 🙂

Why's my blood so wateryy

I'm back at the ward, also thread of cvts I made in the hospital bathroom 🧵 (warning fascia/muscle)

I finally got out of the ward after 2 months. Idk how but I did

@bladekittyxzc Wonders with you

@adsdas983550 Being on shtwt and seeing stuff like makes me wonder how ppl are still alive i hope u get better but how are u still alive😭

All my neck cvts (4) 🧵🩸 CW

@smuppetfetish No people mind their business ig

@adsdas983550 No one said anything?

Couple of thigh beans 🧵💔

@yur1ddlcl0v3r It is really dangerous, I wasn't in a good mental state when I did these if it wasn't obvious 💔

@adsdas983550 Twin may I ask isn't it like DANGEROUS? how do u treat it? and is it any blade u use that caused it to get THAT deep ? Stay safe twin i recommend u not to CVT on ur neck and perhaps go lower ,we want u safe and sound 🥹

Chronic depression, social anxiety, and loneliness. I'm bound to kill myself one day. I'm not attractive, or rich, which you need one of, to survive. A good day for me genuinely is if I only cut myself, and don't do anything worse.