Duncan Carson

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Duncan Carson

Duncan Carson

@aduncancarson

writer, comedian, layabout. host of Fallout Tonight! every Friday at @falloutcomedy.

Austin, TX Katılım Temmuz 2009
526 Takip Edilen1.8K Takipçiler
Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
YOU CAN SCHEDULE SEND INSTAGRAM MESSAGES NOW? oh shitttt guess who's about to get WAY better at booking his god damn weekly comedy show ahead of time
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
just got sad imagining people hanging out in the metaverse on christmas
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
so Santa just had NO PLAN for a "foggy Christmas eve" until Rudolph?
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
@Hutch_Katherine when my relatives ask how comedy is going I'm going to correct them "it's actually spirit channeling"
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Iceveins
Iceveins@Iceveins412·
@ZombiePanther2 @WestinPlaying Turns out you should campaign to the people who want to vote for you instead of a nonexistent legion of people who simultaneously respect the cheneys and are willing to not vote Republican
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
small key to modern happiness is avoiding "for you" pages on all platforms
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
absurd how much HEB getting tap to pay has improved my quality of life
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FOGHAT STAN
FOGHAT STAN@MikeMacRaeMike·
needless to say roast culture has pretty much ruined comedy but it has damaged normie culture downstream to the point where people think that unironically insulting someone is making a great joke
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
shout out to Jiffy Lube for never yelling at me re: how overdue I am for an oil change
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
@lononaut @DylanoA4 THANK you! he was funny long ago but surely hundreds of other people have pointed out we should be grateful for stuff?
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
hello to everyone I blocked now reading this! continue to go fuck yourselves I guess?
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
@DylanoA4 yeah! and women won't let you make them watch you masturbate like what the hell dawg
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
can I enter witness protection? I didn't see anything I'm just burned out
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Duncan Carson retweetledi
jamie loftus 🌭
jamie loftus 🌭@jamieloftusHELP·
there is literally no point in making things that you think executives or the algorithm is asking for and i find that very freeing :-)
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
you know like a certain album will be associated with an ex? I have that for certain HEBs
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
nostalgia is poisonous (except for mine)
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Emily Murnane
Emily Murnane@emily_murnane·
Pisses me off how many calories there are in a handful of almonds. Like how dare you.
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Duncan Carson
Duncan Carson@aduncancarson·
several times lately I'll think "wow the twitter algorithm is actually pretty good today" and then realize I'm in "following" mode
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