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17.2K posts

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@aeca
ᴄᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ᴅᴜᴛʏ®︎ / ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴏᴘs ɪɪɪ®︎




Cuando eres el puto amo.

No se salten el día de pierna aunque sea domingo, luego parecen perro parado y nadie se los quiere agarrar a vergazos.


どうせ飛行場も放棄するし港に船もいなくなるし防空部隊要らなくなるから、対空火器は全部地上攻撃用に転用な!とか、理屈ではわかるんだけど脳が解釈を拒否する

[First Date] Me: Hey baby, I'm gonna show you a good time Her: I can't wait *I pull a puppy from my pocket & start tickling its belly


OMG! OMG! OMG! ~ Me as a gynecologist

despertarte poco a poco a besos, darle los buenos días a tu piel, ver el sol en tu mirada desayunar tu sonrisa ser tu pan, tu café...

{Describing to sketch artist} His eyes looked like he pronounced the j in fajitas.

Life insurance companies are s-o-o-o stupid. They issue policies even though odds are you’re going to die.


Gym receptionist: Wow, haven't seen you here in awhile. Me: I HAVE BEEN BUSY STRESS EATING SUSAN.


Gym receptionist: Wow, haven't seen you here in awhile. Me: I HAVE BEEN BUSY STRESS EATING SUSAN.


For a cheap high after age 30, just squat down for a few minutes, then stand up really quickly.

I just dropped my dog off at doggie day care in case you were thinking this wasn't the millennial generation of dogs also.