Ahmed Al-kadri

I don’t mind when a friend gets in a relationship but I find it annoying when they act like they all of sudden know everything about relationships.

Comment a movie title

“This is how Israelis feel…people enjoy knowing that they are suffering.”

Even tho it might be a skit, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen today 😭

You never know #lunchmeat

@kmoney hey buddy!!! Got back on twitter just so I can like your tweets 😆

@ChristineYamat2 @tzakzo @MonstaVersBeast @tylersan__ Everyone and their mother sent me this. Reading the whole thread had me dying 😂

@tzakzo @MonstaVersBeast @tylersan__ @ahmedlovesbread Now why would you tag him here when people talking about him laying pipe LOLOLOL

Ahmed putting him through the mf mattress

@0pvlent Hey it’s me in the video! We’re actually straight. Anyways, My next stand up shows! Link in bio 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

@lou_m_cypher Hey guys! It’s me in the video. Here are my next stand up shows! Link in bio 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

Y'all can believe what you want but uhhh...Ahmed tearin that boy out the A frame in that apartment 😂

@belarushy Hey everyone ! It’s me in the video. Here are my next stand up shows! Link in bio 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

@tylersan__ Hey guys! It’s me in the video. Here are my next stand up shows! Link in bio 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

Full special out on YouTube! My next stand up shows! Link in bio 3/23 Santa Barbara 4/21 Detroit, MI 4/26 DC 4/28 NYC 5/4 Houston, TX 5/11 Austin, Tx 5/17 San Antonio, TX 5/24 Dallas, TX 5/31-6/1 Fort Worth, TX 7/16 Dublin 7/20 London

@0marfinley When is it?

I want to go to anime expo this year, but only if @ahmedlovesbread can come with me

DUI, driving on a revoked license, and driving with open container (found in a McDonald’s parking lot after a call reporting someone saw her hit a curb and she was driving on her rims. When found she was missing a tire on the passenger side and almost fell getting out of the car, she refused to answer any questions and just kept saying she had to pee)

In the back of a comedy club, a struggling comedian got a chance to talk to Jerry Seinfeld. He said he’d been struggling and sacrificing for about 10 years to “make it” as a comedian. Approaching his 30s, he was worried he’d taken the wrong path. Seinfeld gave him this advice: “This [pointing at the stage] is such a special thing,” Seinfeld says. “This has nothing to do with ‘making it.’” “But did you ever stop and compare your life?” the struggling comedian says. “I see my friends, and they’re making a lot of money. They’re moving up. They’re all married. They’re all having kids. They have houses. They have a sense of normality.” Seinfeld makes a disgusted face and then says, “let me tell you a story. This is my favorite story about show business.” “Glenn Miller's orchestra is doing a gig...They can't land the plane because it's winter, a snowy night—they have to land in this field and walk to the gig. They're dressed in their suits. They’re carrying their instruments. They’re walking through the snow—it's wet and slushy. And in the distance they see this little house…They go up to the house and look in the window. Inside they see this family. There's a guy and his wife—she’s beautiful. There's two kids, and they're all sitting around the table. They’re smiling. They're laughing. There's a fire in the fireplace... These guys are standing there in their suits. They're wet and shivering, holding their instruments, and they're watching this incredible Norman Rockwell scene. And one guy turns to another guy and goes, 'How do people live like that?' That's what it's about.” Takeaway 1: Comparison, it is said, is the thief of joy. James Altucher has written about a cure for comparison. Usually, when we compare ourselves to someone, we compare ourselves to a select few aspects of their life (their house, their good looks, or their professional success, etc.). Instead, James writes, “picture that you can change places in every way with them. But then it’s forever...Would you do it.” Usually—as Seinfeld’s story illustrates—the answer is…no, you wouldn’t want their whole life. Takeaway 2: One of the differences between Seinfeld and the struggling comedian is the way in which they view comedy. The struggling comedian sees comedy as a means to some end—there’s some amount of money or celebrity that would make him feel like he “made it.” For Seinfeld, comedy is an end in itself. “[It] has nothing to do with ‘making it,’” as he said. For Seinfeld, as Ryan Holiday once told me, “The work is the win.” - - - “The set I get to do tonight at 7:20 PM is the win. I get to do comedy—I won. It being predicated on doing X or being bigger than Y—no, no, no. To me, it’s always just been about the work. I’m on house money, full-time.” — Hasan Minhaj Follow @bpoppenheimer for more content like this!

DUI and assault on an officer (hit the officer with a quick head butt)

engaging in organized crime, trafficking fentanyl, and 2nd degree manslaughter

i ran away from home & dropped out of school when i was 14. my mom committed suicide when i was 16. i lived in a trap house for a few years. i watched my dad lose his life savings in the real estate crash in 2008. my family & i had to live off of whatever was on the clearance rack at the grocery store for awhile. i struggled as a comedian/creator barely getting by, living month to month for years. thanks to taking some profits on pepe today… i’m buying my sister a car. i’m going to hand my dad some cash to help him out and to say thank you. for everything. and i will be buying him the rolex he had to sell when he lost it all. thank you so fucking much web3. i have never felt more gratitude in my life.

Atlanta is what Houston wanted to be

You know that person in HS you rejected. They couldn’t handle the rejection so they kept calling you and calling you. Those kids grew up to be Gym Membership salesmen.

@BeLikeAudrey @WrittenByHanna Hey, it’s me Ahmed. This tweet made LOL 😂 💀 (and I’m straight )

@WrittenByHanna Gay or not, Ahmed should put a ring on it!