jamesmiles

2023, I missed my convocation. I missed my induction. I don’t have a single group picture with my lecturers or the people I graduated with. I couldn’t go for NYSC I didn't celebrate anything I couldn't afford it. I’ve never really “done life” the way people assume. I didn’t go on my first date until this year never been to the beach, never been to the cinema, never really had fun. Everyone looks at me when I say these things. Before that, a lady once offered to take me out because I told her I had never experienced it. She didn’t mind paying I even said I don't have money to come down to the island, she said she will order an uber. I felt uncomfortable, worried, even scared. I chickened out and said no I felt like a useless man, I couldn't afford shit. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because something about it just reminded me of where I was financially. Then this February, I finally went on my first date. I paid for everything. Spent money I normally wouldn’t. So when people say “men should stop faking maturity and celebrate themselves,” it sounds nice, but it’s not the full picture. A lot of guys are not avoiding joy. We just don’t have the leverage for it. Most men in Nigeria are broke. That’s the reality. Not lazy, not unwilling, just financially constrained. We miss moments, not because we don’t care, but because we can’t afford to show up for them. This might be the 1st year I’ll actually celebrate my birthday the way I want, and I’m doing it properly. I’ll go out, hit the beach, enjoy myself this time. Not because I suddenly became a different person, but because I finally can. I also celebrated Valentine's Day for the first time. Documenting everything is fun when you have money to pay for it. A lot of us want to celebrate with friends and family. We want those memories. We want to show up fully. But poverty quietly takes those moments away and replaces them with survival. That’s why I’ve always tried to position myself to help people break out of it. Because poverty is deeper than money. It steals experiences, confidence, and even the ability to enjoy life. God bless the women, that came into my life 😭😭 I can finally say afford to do things.