theo ★

my food in the microwave

@feralhaggirl ? I just booked my laser tattoo removal appointment

@al4pathy April FOOT

it is with a heavy heart I have to say, to those who may care, that I am officially fed up of naima bock’s music and I will never be seeing her live again. just listened to feed my release one too many times and now I’m sick of it and all the others too

i am at my clits end

if I was a baby i would pop out weighing 40 pounds, sing one perfect note, and pass away instantly

april fools Never made sense to me why would you start off a beautiful month with a day of trickery . Just makes no sense. Why not call it april loves. April joys. April smart person

Finding out Bob Mortimer's songs from last one laughing weren't written for the show and is just something he does in his spare time has fucking SENT my head

Also it didn’t spill at all so the whole thing was a pointless exercise but I guess it’s good I didn’t take a window out

Hi life update I just tried to open champagne on my balcony so it didn’t spill everywhere but not only did the ejection of the cork itself sound like a gunshot, it then catapulted into a tree and seemed to hit every branch on the way down. I live in a dead silent neighbourhood

If everything embarrasses me anyway. Then might as well just do what I want

i'm slouching in my chair and watching videos on my phone with the brightness all the way up. i'm dehydrated, my skin is dry and i'm abusing advil. my fit is trash too

William Wegman, Warehouse Wally

I know I could get so much work done if I did it

@cowlesbian KEEP

probably gonna have to scrap this bit of dialogue bc i dont rlly think its in character but. it’s dumb and it made me laugh. so ill post it here

All i do is fucking fart

ME: im as sick as a [dontsaydogdontsaydogdontsaydog] as like a cat that was realy sick THE DOCTOR: Ah, I See… [scribbling into palm] Hmm… THE MOLD IN MY BEDROOM WALLS: [to the tune of Dora The Explorer’s “I’m the Map”] im the mold im the mold im th mold im the mold im the m

@floogledotnet Hi floogle

MothaFucka