lex

Not to complain (complaint immediately happening) but why do I need to work AND dress up for it?

Imagine my surprise when I wake up on Wednesday, and it’s only Tuesday.

Comfort words: “drive safe, I’ll track you.”

Nothing is more comforting than your father telling you to watch for deer when driving.

My only goal in life is to never stop being a menace to my siblings.

In the wise words of Don Louis, it’s not that I don’t want you to find love, I just don’t want you to be happy.

My mother: “What’s my best attribute?” My father: “Me.”

Imagine being sad for a year over someone who didn’t fight for you in the least.

Just when I’m beginning to think I’m out of the game, I get asked out in jail by an inmate. Still got it.

Normalize mixing up your burrito ingredients to get a little of everything in each bite instead of half meat and rice and half lettuce and cheese.

I thought I’ve been thriving but just got told I did my stages of grief backwards, and the only ones I’ve done are depression and anger.

Where I’m at mentally: I need a drink

Share your location so I know it’s real

What’s the point of daylight savings ending if not for everyone to put their a Christmas lights up?

Everyday I make my first guess for Wordle, and everyday I’m shocked my first guess isn’t the correct word.

*watching Bachelor in Paradise* Sister: “So we have to wait until next week to find out what’s happening?!” Me: “Yes. You’ve clearly never heard of marketing.”

i am not having a baja blast i am actually kind of having a baja hard time

Imagine my surprise when I’ve worked all week, and it’s still only Monday.

Our hearts cannot handle overtime