Al

I GOT MY FAVORITE SWEATPANTS BACK

Barista - "didn't want you wondering where your drink was" Me - "my diet Dr kelp?"

It blows my mind that people are still buying puppies when there are so many adoptable dogs in need

One of my main bits is telling people my very obvious eyelash extensions are natural when they compliment them and then laughing like I'm hilarious

Not me practicing a conversation in my head with this barista I have a crush on and she's not even working today 😭

My sexuality is the cast of The Mummy

Cincinnati all lit up in #Bills colors for Damar Hamlin. 💙❤️ #BillsMafia #PrayForDamar

Things the Grinch & I have in common: -hates everyone -eats garbage -loves dogs -nothing to wear -eyelash extensions -gets bitches

Does anyone else mourn a book when you finish it 💔

@signingmango Stfu 😭

Bookstores smell so good 😤

Awake thinking about 4th grade when I was awarded lunch with my teacher so my mom packed me soup for the first time to make it special but when I went to pour some all the noodles fell out in a big ball and splashed all over me

#WhatWeDoInTheShadows is so funny and gay it just makes me so happy 🥹

I Love You, Man is my comfort movie

@savannuhhh @matthasnopants Not this again! But obv if I did play Dylan would be my partner

Banana Split is the best Dippin' Dots flavor

Sitting at a table next to a couple being recorded for 90 Day Fiancé and can confirm it's all fake

I will literally fight you if you knock on the glass at the zoo