lindsay lohan impersonator

i’m srry to every white boy who smokes weed tht i used to make fun of for listening to mac miller... i’m one of you now

You’re standing on a planet with molten lava at its core. Trees are turning sunlight into air you can breathe. Your heart is beating without you asking it to. There’s a moon in the sky and bugs that glow. This whole thing is absurdly beautiful. Don’t forget to notice it.

next time i think im falling in love shoot me in the back of a applebees parking lot 20 times

Gas prices are at crazy levels--fire Obama!

I didn’t see a single “it’s gonna be May” meme this year which is personally a massive relief, but culturally a signifier of something much darker.

dating a white guy is like eating an edible they cool at first then they hit you

me immediately analyzing my feelings instead of feeling them

“listen to your body” my body wants to take drugs until I can’t see anymore can we listen to somebody else please

I need more men to understand that two men crying and hugging in space after one of them announced they were naming a moon crater after the other one’s late wife is actually what peak masculinity looks like

RT @freckxi: i’m sick she is so beautiful

when someone asks me about the last two years but it's been filled with nothing but lessons about the art of letting go

Since the overturning of Roe v. Wade, 412 women have been arrested. In contrast, following the release of the Epstein files, not a single man has been arrested.

In Iran, if a 12 year-old girl is forcefully impregnated by her father, she must carry the baby to term or spend life in prison. Oops! My bad. I meant Mississippi, Texas, and Alabama.

I genuinely feel sad that current 20 something's missed the era of $500 rent, $3 happy hour, 5 bags of groceries for under $100, multiple job offers immediately after applying, and going out to party without social media apps at your fingertips. IT WAS A TIME.

school counselors be like “this stays between us” then call the cops

when i was a kid and first learned i could see beautiful kaleidoscope patterns by pressing on my closed eyeballs i knew substance abuse was going to be a big problem in my life

There’s an episode of SpongeBob where he starts crying because he doesn’t want to be an adult anymore and just wants his grandma to make him cookies… that’s exactly how I feel right now.

He was a fucking podcaster

yeah i know brushing your teeth at night is like a 2 minute low effort chore with enormous payoff but in a much more significant way it’s like being killed with 100 hammers

they should take another hour every night until there’s no more time. let’s wrap things up