Alyssa🌻

Found the footage when I rhymed mansion with Wiscansin 🙏🏿

How did we get into this mess? You ask. Well, too many of you had football coaches for social studies teachers.

told my uber driver to hit the gas a lil bit so im not late to AMC this fuckin guy says "ohhhh going to see movie no valentine huh" lmaooo ill lean over grab the steering wheel and kill us both how about that pal

Somebody tell the Eagles to call me. Doesn’t matter which one.

Gettin a ring with my initials on it so i when i punch him in his shit he branded >

Me recycling water bottles and turning off the sink when I brush my teeth to protect the environment while the US army drops bombs in the middle of the ocean and starts wars that destroy the environment every 1.5 yrs

Violently hungover didn’t charge my phone last night and now the whole county doesn’t have electric lmao

Buying a ring camera and then having to pay a subscription to actually see out that motherfucker is insane.

Saying “who’s their ceo” anytime I’m mildly dissatisfied with my experience somewhere

i’m sorry it’s nothing worse than when you’re going through it and somebody start talking bout god

Now that I’m officially the family’s mac n cheese lady, I move different in the house

Why am I making a Mac n cheese that requires a roux tomorrow

I wanna party with king Julian so fucking bad