amymarz

242 posts

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amymarz

amymarz

@amymarz

I find comfort in knowing almost no one will read this ✨

Katılım Ağustos 2008
83 Takip Edilen17 Takipçiler
amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
My body's a temple but it's that one where they leave out big pans of milk for rats
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
When do I get to age out of having panic attacks in the grocery store
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
@Seinfeld2000 I think this is my greatest contribution to the internet....
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amymarz retweetledi
Frank Conniff
Frank Conniff@FrankConniff·
"He supports Republican policies but he's a good person" -- not a thing.
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Sorry I'm late I accidentally hypnotized myself while diffusing my hair
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Frank Conniff
Frank Conniff@FrankConniff·
Any psycho can just, without any background check, waltz into a Home Depot and buy a door. When will this madness end?
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Frank Conniff
Frank Conniff@FrankConniff·
Tucker Carlson is as disturbed by the Buffalo shooter's manifesto as anyone. He's even thinking of suing him for plagiarism.
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
I like the Trader Joe's cheddar corn puffs because they have the same texture as those biodegradable packing peanuts
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Is it too late to abort Samuel Alito
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
I have received more compliments about my current haicut than any other aspect of my appearance, personality or artistic talents. All hail my hair
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
What a beautiful day to be outside! Neighbor's kids: AAAAHH!! Neighbor's dog: AAAAHHHH! Neighborhood leaf blowers: AAAHHHH!
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Why can't exercise be like in the Sims. Work out for 10 minutes, do a little jump and suddenly you're a thin, valuable member of society. Then you go back to eating entire cakes by the pool in the middle of the night
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amymarz retweetledi
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert@StephenAtHome·
I assume the Gazpacho Police specialize in cold cases?
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Shout out to my subconscious for thrilling me with dreams about going to the optometrist and picking out a new brand of contact lenses
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Me trying to paint my nails is akin to a dog wearing clothes
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
Cars: A Great Place To Cry™️
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amymarz
amymarz@amymarz·
I've got 99 problems and a bitch is all of them and also I am the bitch
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