Aseem!

Being a good Hindu 😬

The Mahatma of all currencies.

Whenever I meet a person named Sofia, I ask them if they spell their name with an F or a PH. It's a litmus test.

Canadian election coverage on TV was so boring. None of the panelists was shouting.

OK. Now that Mother's Day is over, we can go back to complaining to our therapists about how our moms have been responsible for most of our traumas. ....and the pressure you felt while buying a gift for them for Mother's Day.

Tonight! @justforlaughs Discovery Series vet @asmhb hosts Newbie Tuesday with all these not-so-newbie guests! 8pm (to 9:30), $6 gets you in and a free pass to a weekend show! comedynest.com

Whenever I have a bad experience at an establishment, I always give them a 5-star review on Google. Why should I be the only one to get a lousy experience? 🤷‍♂️

@mercilessplot In 2006, in Hochelaga, a guy kept following me for a long time. When I stopped and asked him what he wanted, he asked me if I wanted to buy weed. Don’t worry, it’s just another day in Hochelaga.

‘You can’t just stand there and tell jokes in your accent. That’s not standup comedy’ Huh? Social media comments are philosophical 💁‍♂️

Tonight! @zoofest vet @asmhb hosts Newbie Tuesday with all these not-so-newbie guests! 8pm (to 9:30), $6 gets you in and a free pass to a weekend show! Info/tix: comedynest.com

I don't consume alcohol. So at parties, I'm the designated absentee 💁

Watching Superbowl just so that I can finally see Taylor Swift live without having to wear a diaper.

@mercilessplot They are pretty cold-blooded

Our Saturday February 3rd 8pm show is full! Still some room at the 10:30 show featuring CBS Late Show vet @thenickgriffin plus @justforlaughs alums @orangebureau @asmhb @isabellegaumont @DarrenHenwood! $17.50, info/tix: comedynest.com

Friday February 2nd! As seen on @colbertlateshow catch the hilarious @thenickgriffin plus @justforlaughs vets and @zoofest faves @orangebureau Marianne Mandrusiak @asmhb & Matt Shury! 8pm & 10:30, $15, info/tix: comedynest.com

Tonight! @justforlaughs recording artist Lucy Gervais hosts Newbie Tuesday with not-so-newbie guests @TrevorWThompson @asmhb @jonnydivito and all these other comedians who left X. 8pm (to 9:30), $6 gets you in and a free pass to a weekend show!

@mercilessplot Changing the Internet service provider.

Friday January 12th! Catch 2-time @justforlaughs gala performer @davidprydejokes plus great guests and fellow Just-For-Laughians @Patersontweets Kyra Carleton @asmhb Matt Shury & more! 8pm & 10:30, $15/$10st, info/tix: comedynest.com

Tuesday January 9th! CTV Comedy Channel vet @isabellegaumont hosts Newbie Tuesday with not-so-newbie guests @andrewsearles @wassimsokay @asmhb & more! 8pm (to 9:30), $6 gets you in and a free pass to a weekend show! Info/tix: comedynest.com

Tonight! @zoofest vet @asmhb hosts Newbie Tuesday with all these not-so-newbie guests! 8pm (to 9:30), $6 gets you in and a free pass to a weekend show! Info/tix: comedynest.com