The Asymptotic Sloth

@TerribleMaps to be fair, in 1960 they were too busy sliding across vinyl bench seats without seatbelts to look down at their hands.

Not a phone in sight just people living in the moment

@chefsevenn my mouth

Ketchup is not available, what are you dipping these fries in?

@ayeejuju my brain completely panicked for a solid three seconds. making me untangle these legs mentally is a terrible thing to do on a saturday.

you see it once and never again

@SteCK1878 @ayeejuju @Gearcog13 To you as well.

@asymptoticsloth @ayeejuju @Gearcog13 🤣🤣 Happy Friday!

i am simply a man trying to understand the purpose of this hole on my gfs shower door

i let the lawn go for two weeks hoping it would just stop growing out of respect for my general fatigue. it did not. i went into the mowing process already in physical pain. i have emerged in significantly worse pain. the absolute cruelest part of being an adult is realizing that the person who "unfortunately has to do it" is always you. i need to lie down for several business days.

@SteCK1878 @ayeejuju @Gearcog13 i couldn't before, and yet now i cannot stop analyzing the physics of that throw. it is an unwelcome mental burden.

@asymptoticsloth @ayeejuju @Gearcog13 Can you even imagine! 🤣🤣

@brockpierson i died of dysentery on this exact machine while aggressively ignoring my multiplication tables. a much simpler time.

On this day in 1984 (42 years ago!) the Apple IIc was released. ADMIT IT: You have used this before. Whether it was in school or something... I know you did.

@brockpierson boldly assuming i had any sanity left to protect when i logged on today. this is just my default resting state now.

Anyone who has been on this platform for over a year without having quit, or considering quitting every single day has severe mental issues

@historyinmemes the smile on his face is the pure joy of a man who just successfully dodged an entire afternoon of administrative tasks. the teens are just the collateral beneficiaries of his laziness.

A police officer pours out confiscated beer instead of arresting underage drinkers, 1972.

@SteCK1878 @ayeejuju @Gearcog13 this is genuinely horrific and yet i am laughing. the aerodynamics in the bottom panel require way too much hand-eye coordination for a morning routine.

@ayeejuju @Gearcog13 Easy access in case this happens. Apparently this is a thing? 😳😳

@UTDFade @ayeejuju the obvious internet joke is sitting right there, but the pursuit of zero morning physical suffering is far more profound.

@asymptoticsloth @ayeejuju wait, it does make sense

@HumansNoContext having the entire left side perfectly mapped out in your head, realizing it will take ten minutes to explain, and just saying "that's crazy" instead

Too real

@HumansNoContext It's either that or a sharpie.

@creepydotorg sleeping for 64 days and only getting up for snacks is basically my five-year plan. i have found my queen.

In 2011, a teenage girl from Pennsylvania named Nicole Delien fell asleep one night in November and did not fully wake up until January, 64 days later. During that time, she slept for an average of 18 to 19 hours a day. She would only get up to eat while in a sleepwalking state and later had no memory of it.

I started a different account almost a year ago to try and build something. The strategy was predictable and working up until the fall. If you engage, and reply with worthwhile substance and post well, you will grow which I was. I got to about 5k steadily, in the fall, right as everything started to change. At that rate if it continued I imagined I'd get to 10k after a year. And it's been completely stagnant, and worse, ever since that time. The rules completely changed and the rules they say exist don't actually mean anything of substance. Working 10 times as hard now and the results are non existent since. It's been very discouraging. Much smaller than you but same boat. It's a shame.

I am at an impasse here and not sure what to do. I started using this account right around when Elon first bought Twitter in the end of 22' to see what it was all about. I started posting and someone said 'who cares what you think, you only have 38 followers.' I knew what I had to do after that and began trying to grow my following. Things went well, I made friends and networked with others, had some viral moments (airplane lady, TMFINR) and was having fun. I have gotten re-truthed by Trump, talked Tom McDonald, hosted a space with Tiffany Gomas and the Shamwow guy Vince, gotten followed by James Woods, reposted by Dean Cain, had a dosen interactions with Elon - These things would have never come to pass without X. I have built a community of loyal followers and subscribers who I talk to daily, repost smaller accounts, help people where I can and am pretty much always available on X for questions or to just listen. But that all changed starting this year - suddenly all the work I had put into this account gaining followers was meaningless - when a small Nigerian account can get 10M views starting an N word train, then something is wrong. Giving everyone an equal voice and ignoring people who have devoted years to this platform, while great in theory, just doesn't work out. Now reach is down for nearly everyone and its unclear / unknown as to what to actually do on here. Don't do this, do that, but then when you do what they want such as make original content, you get no views - What X says it wants vs reality are two different things. Then there are the accounts on here that just exist to create strife and jealousy towards larger accounts. 'I dont like that you do this, it's not fair, how come they get reach but I dont' bla bla bla. This just makes an artificial hatred toward any large account they dont like for basically any reason. If X is just going to nurf an account because its large and doesn't like what its posting for whatever reason, then that's not cool. X used to be an open place where you could post anything and it was up for the users to decide if they wanted to see it. Now AI 'predicts' if something will go viral and then self fulfills the prophecy and makes it happen - it's not organic like it used to be. In the past you were guaranteed views once you got larger, so this was the goal - now it's irrelevant. That's like saving your entire life and suddenly all your savings are worthless. So I dont know what to do; do I continue on or just stop posting? X doesn't seem to want users to be successful any more, it was never like this before. I spend so much time on here, it might be time to just find another hobby. I don't often post stuff like this often because nobody cares boo hoo - I dont want sympathy, I just honestly dont know what to do anymore. I'm not trying to complain here, just trying to figure it all out. Thoughts?

sometimes, you just have to deliver for your kids. last week, i saw a guy in the neighborhood mowing his lawn in mildly yellow briefs. no shirt, no shorts. clear as day. today, i'm driving the kids and his house is right on our route. we drove past, and there he was again. but they missed it. we pulled into the parking lot of our destination. i checked the dash clock. we were a solid five minutes early. i looked at the time, looked back at the road out of the parking lot... i've still got time. i pulled back out and drove back toward the house. we passed him as he was rounding the side of the yard. they got a clear look and couldn't believe it. i executed a u-turn to head back to our actual destination, which meant we had absolutely no choice but to slowly pass him one last time. as we crept by, he was right next to the road. the mildly yellow briefs were undeniable. they were overjoyed, and now mom is going to hear all about it. saving the world, one ridiculous core memory at a time. i have delivered as a father today.

currently testing a new growth hack where i provide absolutely zero value, refuse to use formatting, and ask no questions. if you reply to this you are ruining the data.

@HumansNoContext i secured the validation. the actual data is completely irrelevant now.

@HumansNoContext That's even more effective with a baby. Not your own or course.

I’m going to buy a dog