Matt Bach

@jmhorp Fuck me you're an idiot

Ho ho, I was told repeatedly this only happens in the United States of America

@georgiecrozier Why would people be calling you? Did you hoard tests or something?

I’m getting so many emails snd calls from desperate Victorians needing a RAT. Can’t get anywhere… when did Andrews Govt place orders, when will they arrive, who will be eligible and how will they be distributed? All questions Andrews Govt need to answer. #springst

@CliveFPalmer Wow you ARE actually that stupid

Zero emissions is crazy. Crazy Scomo, Crazy Albo, Crazy Barnaby. #auspol

@AmberGwynne Michael Buble

What should I call my sourdough starter? I'm thinking Horatia, after the main character in the first Georgette Heyer novel I ever read. (It needs to be better than Jane Dough.)

@dpawson @AmberGwynne I've had some success with an ultrasonic cleaner on dirty strings (the commercial products make your strings smell clean but the real build up occurs internally between the core and wind) - sadly the damage from fretting is absolutely real and unavoidable. Coated strings help tho

If you play the guitar and want to know how to maintain and fix some things yourself, my other/better half, @axationdept, is making a series of HIGHLY INFORMATIVE AND ENTERTAINING VIDEOS where he refuses to look squarely at the camera. You're welcome. youtube.com/watch?v=LqAqbu…

@LyleShelton @DavePellowe @CISOZ @JeremySammut71 BOWELS FOR A SHITCUNT

I went to a cat café. It was fun.

@AmberGwynne Look at that big chungus next to you!

@rubberlegs_ Never tell them. They can't fire you just because you were in arrows

@kanyewest @DJYwrites

@sophbenj Lol sorry it was the grief talking - sometimes things just get so upsetting that your legal team just omits credits on songs and there's nothing you can do about it!

@JoelDTD @sophbenj @josephmas0n @stringDTD He didn't consent to that.

@sophbenj @josephmas0n @stringDTD APRA is still being sorted out however he will be listed as a co-writer come Monday, FYI.

@Deafcultband Now that's a tweet

I return my shopping trolley to the designated trolley bay because I'm not a massive piece of shit

Sydney is like when you really really fuck up your game of simcity

@TonyAbbottMHR True but you're still a massive fuckwit