The Alarming Life of Johnathan

Just created a new lit comedy series on substack. Meet Johnathan: open.substack.com/pub/thealarmin…

@mechamelissa Lol at 70s = summer. It makes sense for some reason 🤣

@BatwoMANDA Too bad... I like a woman who busts out Informer...

Downloading Friday the 13th remake. Yeah I said it.

Someone hurry up and download the post 9/11 Smackdown taping!!! #wwesale

I do not have the concentration to play Hitman games. Yeah I could kill the Russian arms dealer but how about I swap my suit for this gimp outfit and poison a random guest, syke I'm the maintenance crew and I leave no witnesses, nope I'm now security flooding all the sinks.

Tales from parent with Alzheimer's: My dad just tried syncing his new shoes to his cellphone via Bluetooth.

@KDavis206 You are crazy! Who picks Pecan?! 🤣

Pecan. Fight me.

Is this thing still on....

How am I just finding out about Jesse Powell dying in September?! 😭

@KDavis206 Idaho is where they manufacture Tiffany Smileys on an assembly line.

@basement_books May they never return. Think of all the things that could have been done for the community with that money. She just set it on fire. She should go run for something in Idaho.

Oh thank god. Can Tiffany Smiley go away now?

I would complain about the Christmas decorations in stores but they've already been up for three weeks. At this rate Christmas season will start the day after Labor day.

@mechamelissa Those miniatures I see pop up are pretty dang impressive. You might be selling yourself short.

Goonies < Monster Squad

@KDavis206 Is also worth conversation absolutely.

@basement_books Sister Act 2 tho

I feel like we don't talk about Sister Act enough 🤷

It's been a long 21 years. Now my "heard the Mariners are good this year" tounge-in-cheek joke can be put to rest. It wasn't very funny anyways. #SeattleMariners

Don't leave summer. I'm not ready. 😭

I've learned that some 40 year old men really do love mermaids enough to have an opinion on them... Who woulda thunkit 🤷🤦