i am the captain now🐝🇵🇦🇩🇪

sorry I didn’t mean to flirt with you I was just bored and a little manic

T: “You just picked her up mid rage and she didn’t fight you?” Me: “I would never fight him. Also I’d have no chance.” P: “Yeah she just asked me to adjust the hold on her ribs and was fine” Me: “Should’ve let me kick him more” P: “I wasn’t trying to save him, I was saving me”

P: “ I watched her kick the shit out of a man last night” A: “…why are we hurting men this time?” Me: “ I think it was warranted” P: “He was told to get the fuck out far too many times and then tried to scream in her face, so I let her get her kicks in and picked her up”

Peyton: “me and her are the same person” Me: “You’re cleaner” You: “And you’re crazy”

Whole time we was thinking maybe I just put the coupler on wrong Nope, I’m just an idiot that put the right coupler on correctly…on the wrong, BROKEN, line.

@ work earlier “Hey so I figured out why changing that keg wasn’t working” “Oh, wait, really, why?” “Because I put it on the wrong line. The broken one, to be exact. Because I’m a fucking idiot. I fixed it now though.” Yeah I’m p sure management thought I was having a stroke

getting 2 live with my best friend is so much fun dude :))) man just dealt w me screaming about whitebeard dying irl too not knowing a single fucking thing I was saying but somehow understanding it meant hulk hogan was dead

“I’m not gonna listen to you either.” “We’ll see about that.” “When have I ever listened to you? And nobody else tells me to do my job because I’m already doing it” “Those are both valid arguments actually”

Looked at my ex bf that’s starting to manage at my job and went, “im not gonna call you dad” and this man was so baffled trying to say “I hope not you have a boyfriend” before I went, “1, Stepbrothers, uncultured ass. And 2, I called Sean dad. I’m not gonna call you dad.”

not 3 of my coworkers being drunk and making a bet on whose phone call id answer or who id call back first (It was Hope, she’s my work wife. My bf was betting on Stephen.)

Whenever my brother comes into the bar I like to very loudly announce, “we banned you months ago, you HAVE to stop coming here dude”

I stole some of his furniture today bc we’re both moving and he needed to get rid of stuff but I on the other hand very much need stuff He kept talking about how sad he was about having to leave our store Pls don’t take him from me

He did say he was taking some of us with him and im pretty sure I got whiplash from the way my head snapped over to him and he laughed and said he already had me in mind

I’m so absolutely heartbroken my GM is transferring stores and now im gonna have a bunch of his furniture in my apartment to remind me of him 😭 (I told him he has no choice but to request me to work with him when he needs an extra hand bc they’re so short staffed)

baby girl is a giant vicious monster at almost 6 months now 🖤 my little sun god Nika, my lil warrior of liberation and symbol of freedom

“I didn’t know it was possible but you are somehow even sassier with me at work” “Honestly I think that building just makes my sass meter go off the charts because I end up apologizing a lot for getting sassier than I needed to be there” “Makes sense”

Cook giving my bf a jalapeño burger at work while I stood in the background “If I don’t give her a bite she’s gonna hit me” “No mf, if you don’t give her a bite she’s gonna KILL you”

@derpin_dots It’s the biggest heartbreak fuck a breakups, you ever not seen your work bestie for like a week? Gut wrenching.

@bashcraft_ Number 3 of the most depressing feelings- not seeing the work besti

my work mother and I are so dramatic when we pass by each other working opposite shifts “Oh my god! Hi! Bye! I love you so much!” “No you can’t leave, I miss you already!” “Just hold on until [next shift]” “I don’t know how I’m gonna do it without you 🥺”

hot milk duck at my job!! (I still can’t believe I got breathing underwater on the playlist)