Brian Black

You stop in your tracks. You can’t hear whatever you are beginning to understand is behind you, but you can feel cold breath against the back of your neck. You could take off and run. You might as well turn around and see what it is. You could just stand still… #bbcyoa

@UglyByProxy Meanwhile your cat is like

How to ruin your day: get scented cat litter in your eye.

@LillianRhaine I got a Queen bed from Amazon I think around Black Friday and it was one of those memory foam beds and it’s been the best bed I ever had. You get it and it’s like…wow it looks dehydrated. And then it makes transformer noises and becomes epic. Pretty fast delivery too.

@lailabellwrites Sometimes you can only laugh or else you’ll cry,

@LillianRhaine I like Amazon lol.

@diannasaurusr3x Now collect 200 dollars

I did the thing. I will accept my Adulting card now.

I need to do *thing,* but I really don't want to do *thing,* so I am on Twitter instead - the title of my autobiography.

You ever read while you are in the bathroom and complete forgot because you were absorbed. Then you get up and you feel weightless. Like you can float. And you are so happy. And then your feet start getting blood in them again and suddenly everything feels horribly bad. No?

@deidrejowen Two. *sigh* 🤔 Was it autocorrect though? Or me?

@deidrejowen I’m suspicious of you too. I feel like you’re dressed for villainy. Someone is going to die and it wasn’t the butler that did it. 😱

Heading out for a fancy to-do!

@manen_lyset Yeah. I don’t go anywhere without my insurance card. 🤣

@bblackwriter Hopefully you had a groupon!

Pitch for a Bed and Breakfast place: Bedside Manor, where all the rooms are hospital-themed and all the employees dress like nurses and doctors and either ignore you or dismiss your feelings. If you ask them questions, they dodge and walk off. Every few hours, alarms go off.

Someone was telling me about this really bad injury they had. And they took out their phone and said “If you aren’t squeamish I can show you some nasty pictures of it…” My reply? “I don’t want to get hungry.” And I left.

@LillianRhaine I want a gyro or Chinese food. But imma eat this soup instead in 9 minutes lol

@MrRedPyramid @infrafan You just gotta do it in style. Public clothing reveals shall be the new trend where no one worries about their stupid face on Snapchat anymore.

The longer I live, the more I realise life is just a long series of taking off clothes, and then putting clothes on again.

@karlykingsley The selfish winter hater in me is happy for you. And happy for me as well since it’s 67 in PA. But eh…might be bad for the world, huh? But I’ll worry about that later. Right now it’s so nice. Omg.

We’re about a 1/3 of a way through November and it’s 66 degrees in CT.

@kirstie_talbot 7 yr old: Hold my beer… You: !!!

@bblackwriter The Chief: Carmen went to Burkina Faso! Me: What the fuck is Burkina Faso? Is that even in the Alpha Quadrant?

Thinking of her.

@therealzevgood What irked me was always that final part of the show where they had to make all those different countries. Those kids never seemed to have a chance.

@bblackwriter The guy with the ponytail irked me too bad, so I was Team Chief.

@LillianRhaine I hear you. Let’s punch life in the face.

So I’m still dealing with throwing up and diarrhea. And now work tells me I might have to do a covid test. Again. The odds, man. The odds. I just want to get out of bed for reasons other than the toilet. *sigh*