B

All the front of house wanna smoke with the cooks 🥶

@imvkgoku I love going out to eat sushi with my girlfriend

Drake the type of dude to turn his volume down when the phone gives a warning it’s too loud

My dick hurts

i miss u when i’m w u, that’s how i know i really love u

@genthefairy Inappropriate. Reported.

MY NUTS HANG LIKE AINT NO CURFEW

@genthefairy I was in the dream and real me thinks it’s funny

to people who whistle like this: go ahead and quit your day job and man a field, COACH

I’m so naturally good looking. Everything about me is pure. Everyone that I think is cool thinks I’m cool. Seemingly irresistible

I’m white

Fuck a cronut

@andymilonakis I’m trying to find the bit you did where you order Chinese food and then invite the guy in to do stand up and he has no idea what’s going on and you laugh hysterically at everything he says

Fuck your yankee blue jeans

Yup #CalvinandHobbes

Start lying for no reason. Told a guy today “I have that same umbrella” he said “it’s a good one” no reason

I am the devil and I’m here to do the devil’s work

Those racers do be making bank tho

Horse racing IS ANIMAL ABUSE Those horses can’t fit inside the cars and they don’t know how to drive. A thread

@genthefairy I made you 2 turkey sandwiches

feeling very sad today : either i’ll eat my sadness away or it will eat me. dealers choice