Beerdsly

@neiltyson A doctor, an epidemiologist, and a scientist walk into a bar... Just kidding, they know better.

This joke needs a good ending, but I can't think of one: "A coronavirus walks into a bar…” ...or shall we all wash our hands of such humor?

@docsmooth I wasn't going to post a picture of the customs officer patting me down, there's a reason why you get a private room.

Hello, Hawaii. Check! That would be 50 states down, zero to go. #beentheredonethat

I will spend 42 hours of my life stuck in March 15, 2016, and 25 of those hours will be on a bus or plane. #funtravelfacts

@docsmooth No b/c my storage is costing me $0. But I have been keeping an eye on prices for cargo cruises. Like this tinyurl.com/p6v4ww3

@SparkNZ Does your Socialiser extra work with FB's Paper app yet, or is it still unsupported?

#ScareMeIn3Words Kronwall was here

If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die.

Do you think they'll be drinking in Wisconsin tonight? #wisconsinvskentucky

I think basketball is short for "The longest (timeout) 5 mins (timeout) you will (timeout) ever (timeout) exp-(timeout)-erience." #FinalFour

You’re curious -- I can feel it. How many digits of Pi before the numerals 0123456789 appear in sequence? 17,387,594,879

I got my first exam back today. I got 106%, but I found an error on the answer key. After pointing that out to my prof I ended up with 110%.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

If a woman asks you, "Are women too emotional?" Just walk away. Walk. Away.

I love the irony of Time Warner telling me I can check the status of my internet outage on their website. #facepalm

Reflections on what became my most retweeted tweet: facebook.com/notes/neil-deg…

"The margin of errer," he writes on the board... I'm glad you're a math professor.

My professor said, "My suggestion for the weekend..." I don't know where she was going because I stopped paying attention at that point.

I don't call your name when I'm forging new stars from nebulae, so please don't call Mine when you're fucking.