Ben Mathai

1.6K posts

Ben Mathai

Ben Mathai

@benmathaicomedy

An award winning comedian/writer, Ben's credits include Just For Laughs, the NY Improv and a tv doc on his stand-up. Check out his blog + videos at benmathai.ca

Toronto, Canada Katılım Ocak 2011
49.8K Takip Edilen74.6K Takipçiler
Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
If you can't say something nice about someone, then say it in a language no one around you understands, it'll be a win-win for both parties.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
I have to accept that though I want to look tough, I’m closer to a Gandhi look than I am to an Indian warrior.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Please don’t name your baby Renard. It seems elegant + French but mentally, it comes up short.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Something people will never post: "Hey everyone, I'm at the Costco in France + the deals are pretty sweet, so glad I'm vacationing here."
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Just bit into a stale piece of moldy bread at a Paris dive but when I tell people back home it'll be a beautiful fresh croissant with a dash of of je ne sais quoi.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
In France but I'm terrified that people will find out that I'm a foreigner b/c I don't know what ratatouille is.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Daughter: What if this plane crashes into the ocean? Me: Don't worry I packed bathing suits. Daughter: You're so not helping.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
My birthday in Paris. I should be impressed but I'm just happy that my kid is old enough to know when to pee instead of going to war with us over it.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Heading to France. Hope they don't protest again + take it out on immigrants (+ therefore me) although it would make for some great comedy bits.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Me: I've decided to give you another chance. X: You need to accept me for who I am now. Me: Changing your name was a bit much. X: You can always leave (again), take up another thread. Me: Ok, ok, no need to get jealous.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
No, I haven't given up on Twitter or X. I just thought that Disney had taken over + it was some kind of X-Men marketing or something.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
My daughter rolled over in her sleep to hug me + then said "You're not mommy" + turned away so clearly my wife is using some kind of propaganda on our child.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Old people + their bladders are so funny. They're especially hilarious when defusing bombs or performing surgery.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Never start a fight with someone while eating juicy tacos b/c there's no way you'll look or feel tough during that time.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
I hold onto my DVD collection in case there's an apocalypse + little kids need frisbees to play with.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
I've started making random old-people noises in public places + so begins a sad new chapter for me.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
I gave my daughter candy for breakfast b/c she told me I should treat her as I would want to be treated + that made perfect sense.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
My daughter finished grade 5 which a relief because I found that level of math really hard to get through.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
People who talk while walking away may simply be sleepwalking + we don't realize it.
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Ben Mathai
Ben Mathai@benmathaicomedy·
Tom + Jerry is violent but may also offer real-world lessons for children on how to handle bullies.
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