Ben Mathai

If you can't say something nice about someone, then say it in a language no one around you understands, it'll be a win-win for both parties.

I have to accept that though I want to look tough, I’m closer to a Gandhi look than I am to an Indian warrior.

Please don’t name your baby Renard. It seems elegant + French but mentally, it comes up short.

Something people will never post: "Hey everyone, I'm at the Costco in France + the deals are pretty sweet, so glad I'm vacationing here."

Just bit into a stale piece of moldy bread at a Paris dive but when I tell people back home it'll be a beautiful fresh croissant with a dash of of je ne sais quoi.

In France but I'm terrified that people will find out that I'm a foreigner b/c I don't know what ratatouille is.

Daughter: What if this plane crashes into the ocean? Me: Don't worry I packed bathing suits. Daughter: You're so not helping.

My birthday in Paris. I should be impressed but I'm just happy that my kid is old enough to know when to pee instead of going to war with us over it.

Heading to France. Hope they don't protest again + take it out on immigrants (+ therefore me) although it would make for some great comedy bits.

Me: I've decided to give you another chance. X: You need to accept me for who I am now. Me: Changing your name was a bit much. X: You can always leave (again), take up another thread. Me: Ok, ok, no need to get jealous.

No, I haven't given up on Twitter or X. I just thought that Disney had taken over + it was some kind of X-Men marketing or something.

My daughter rolled over in her sleep to hug me + then said "You're not mommy" + turned away so clearly my wife is using some kind of propaganda on our child.

Old people + their bladders are so funny. They're especially hilarious when defusing bombs or performing surgery.

Never start a fight with someone while eating juicy tacos b/c there's no way you'll look or feel tough during that time.

I hold onto my DVD collection in case there's an apocalypse + little kids need frisbees to play with.

I've started making random old-people noises in public places + so begins a sad new chapter for me.

I gave my daughter candy for breakfast b/c she told me I should treat her as I would want to be treated + that made perfect sense.

My daughter finished grade 5 which a relief because I found that level of math really hard to get through.

People who talk while walking away may simply be sleepwalking + we don't realize it.

Tom + Jerry is violent but may also offer real-world lessons for children on how to handle bullies.